My Life on a Plate

The Lost Smile

2011-06-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

I look at a person

Searching for his smile

He looks around

And hunts awhile

He search in the rainbows,

He search in the rain

But to his surprise

It all goes in vain

He sits in a corner

And ponders for a while

For how could it go away?

Now he can never smile

I take out my magic wand

As he lay in front

I look deep inside

To notice that his diamonds had blunt

As he close his eyes

I hold them tight

And with my wand

I polish them white

He opens his eyes

And to his surprise

The smile that had long lost

Was right there in disguise

He was happy

As he smirked in style

Yes I am a tooth fairy

And I can bring back your smile! =D

For those who don't know.. I am a Dentist :P :D

The Escape

2011-05-21T12:43:00.000-07:00

She tried to escape, but the grip was rather strong. Reality was standing tall in front of her, washing away all the sweet memories which were nothing more than a lie. The ugly truth cast an evil shadow that haunted her as she tried to escape from it. When she reached the termination, the grains of time had already emptied.

She looked behind to hold on to what’s left of the spellbinding lie she has lived all these years, but with a blink of an eye it turned into ashes as she was dragged further away from it by the gripping truth. As she tried to run away from it, she fell into a bed of blood red roses. Before she could inhale that sweet fragrance, the thorns in it pricked blood out of her body which blended with the colors of the roses, for they were getting the color they had by drinking the pain inflicted upon her by their thorns. The beautiful roses thus carried a dark secret unveiling her torment and agony.

As she got rid of the thorns she saw the roses wilting. Tears ran down her cheeks which burnt her skin like an acid. Her heart was pounding so heavily that it felt as if it doesn’t want to be a part of her anymore.

Tired and defeated, she fell down and left herself at the mercy of that instance. She could see loving arms wide open to hold her tight, make her feelings bloom once again. She held on to them as they cradled her like a baby. In her ears she could hear the sweet lullaby which made her feel safe and protected. But as time passed she could feel the grip of those loving arms rather strangling. She wanted to get rid of it, but she couldn’t let loose. The sweet lullaby faded away as she struggled to escape from the evil grasp. With a jolt it threw her away. She crashed and hurt herself badly. She wanted to die, to release herself from this suffering. The deafening evil mirth was driving her crazy. She tried to run away from it but instead, she fell in a deep black hole.

As the never ending dark hole swallowed her deeper and deeper inside, she embraced the reality and quit trying to run away from it. She felt prey to all the sting and pain because she allowed it to happen, and now she had clearly ran out of options. And her wait was never over, because her end never had a start to begin with. She was empty, as empty as the hole that was gulping down her existence, but the darkness around her couldn’t beat the dark reality that she permitted it to happen to an extent that her soul wanted to leave her - and so it did.

Okay i don't know why I wrote this, but sharing helps :)

A Guy Who Loves the Rain

2011-05-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 20; the twentieth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Driving through the suburbs

As my day begin

I notice the changing weather

Whilst the rain pour in

An important day at work

That will perhaps be missed

I let out a long sigh

And gaze out slightly pissed

A blurry image of a lonely tree

With wet soil full of immaculate grains

The rain drops gather on my window

And I remember a guy who loves the rain

I feel the warmth inside me

As the tiny splashes remind me of his smile

It’s almost like I am cuddled up

In those tender arms awhile

As the frosty wind blows

In my ear I hear a whisper

It comes right from my heart

And tells me he is not far

For all I have to do

Is hold up tight

And with a blink of an eye

Everything will feel right

And as the sun rise

Through the drizzling cloud

I know who will bring sunshine

To my foggy shroud

All the clues are endowed

By the drops pouring from above

That the guy who loves the rain

Is the guy I happen to love

ICC WC 2011 - Bat Ball or Gambling?

2011-04-04T09:47:00.000-07:00

The cricket fever has finally come to an end, and the rise of Jazba has at last set, but did it do any good to our country?

The excitement and anxiousness of World Cup finally came to an end as millions of Pakistanis broke into tears when our team lost semi-finals against our arch rivals. Moreover, we went beyond winning and losing and satisfied ourselves by labeling it as match fixing. But did it have any effect on team India? I say, even if the match was fixed, who’s to blame, our government or the Indian government?

The match which could have solely been enjoyed was turned into an ugly reality that we were already well aware of about our government.

Our Captain of the official cricket team, Mr. Boom Boom Afridi, had been announced for this official captaincy just 3 days before the series started. Had anyone told Afridi at that time that this young cricket team is going to set records, break Australia’s twelve years winning streak, give a record breaking defeat to WI, and raise the Pakistani flag on the Indian land with more points against India and the ability to directly qualify for finals under unfavorable weather, our jolly restless little captain would have break into hysterical laughs thinking April Fool’s day is being celebrated early! Can any cricket team beat that? Isn’t THIS what we call Jazba instead of lifting a cup in the air? Did our captain have to apologize after such a victory? I think we already proved ourselves.

As far as India’s victory is concerned, we should be happy for them as India indeed emerged as a very strong team. So what if there has been match fixing proofs, even if it was fixed, India’s not to be blamed because either way, they deserved it. And the other thing that they genuinely deserve, especially from Pakistanis, is appreciation!

A game should only be played, and watched if a person understands that it’s meant for entertainment, and at a bigger scale, name and honor of the country. Sportsmanship is something that needs to be learnt not only by the players, but the viewers as well. Shahid Afridi made us proud, MS Dhoni made India proud, and Sangakara too would surely have made the lion’s nation proud for making it to the very end.

This ICC World Cup has not been less than a controversial reality show labeled with stamps of fixed and staged, but is entertainment Media really supposed to go about things this way? We Pakistanis for instance, are in a habit of supporting this entertainment Media whenever it blames other countries. But as a matter of fact, under the ICC updates and match fixing scandals even after the end of series, the media has buried Raymond Davis very efficiently somewhere down below. Doesn’t that raise fingers on the honor and respect of our nation? Or is it merely the cup that can raise the honor of our country?

Let’s join hands to make our country better as a whole, instead of pointing fingers at other countries. We have whatever it takes, all we need to do is raise our Jazba more and take it to the next level! Because Pakistan deserves it =) Go Green! Boom Boom Afridi, you rocked it!

On a lighter note:

Rawalpindi express – u were badly missed! U deserve a nice farewell =)

Misbah ul Haq – we apologize for not precisely mentioning that the game was just of 50 overs :D

Umar Gul – You deserved to be man of the match, I still wonder why they picked Tendulkar :P?

Kamran Akmal – Man, contact me! I am a Dentist; I can surely do the filling of the cavities in your hands! Won’t even charge you!
Wahab Riaz - One Green, against six Blues!:) You are *The Star!

Captain Afridi – WE LOVE YOU!

Cheers to our team! =) and Congratulations to team India on their exceptional performance!

For next WC; PAKISTAN, De Ghuma Ke! =)

The Magic Within Me

2011-03-22T08:06:00.000-07:00

The Magic Within Me

I look around in the dimness of the dusk,

Waiting for a wonder to ensue

I see a goblin darting into the woods,

And off I run in it’s pursue

He takes me to a magic world,

Far from the obscurity and dullness of the reality

Where leprechauns sprinkle their enchanting dust,

And the flowers chant in glee

I look up at the mighty sky,

Rapped with a smiling rainbow’s garland

Vibrant birds chirping with joy around it,

And the clouds showering whitened beads

A soothing waterfall spreads its mystic beauty all around,

Making its tiny splashes shine like diamantes

Far across the falls I see a magical beast,

Spreading its majestic aura all around

It flies nearer as I spread my arms,

And caress the astounding unicorn as it touches the ground

As I ride on it, it takes me far away

And land near a box with diamonds abound

I open it to find that it has taken me back to reality,

With rainbows fading as I turn around

Although my magic world has vanished away,

Its mesmerizing enchantment still remains

For the colors are within me

And the grains of time in my hands

Soon enough I realized

That I don’t need to chase a goblin,

To turn my world in a wonderland!

This is the only thing..i LOVED and enjoyed writing so damn much!

do leave your comments :)!

Proud and Dorky! =D

2011-02-27T04:32:00.000-08:00

hy hy hy,, wots up guys? :D

When i say 'guys' i make an imaginary list in my head about the people who comment on my blog regularly.. but seeing that my popularity is going down :O or i can say has already 'crashed' and cant possibly go more down :s.. i mean, what went wrong :( my last post got 3 comments in a period of two months and 2 of da 3 comments were forced and 1 of them was from an anonymous who wanted to promote his own thing, seriously?? .. SERIOUSLY? *yes hafsah, seriously you retard, your blog is a flop* x( oweennn.. but does that stop me from blogging :D? NOOOO :P m a proud loser lol!

Ok Ok, i know thats probably because i am not regular. and honestly i even read those 3 comments a month after i posted lol.. but i have to write, right :P!

No, its not that bad.. my blog is just an outlet, i am happy with the 3 valuable comments i got ( I am not reading the book "Things losers are supposed to say") eeekk >_< whatever.. lets not talk about my crashed popularity... looking towards the brighter side, there wasn't any popularity to be crashed :D loll

Since my last post.. there has been ALOT that i can talk about. now i am officially a 3rd year dental student (although my 2nd yr results aren't out yet, and you are supposed to be praying 'guys' and Mr. anonymous :$).. i have now started examining patients.. yes, not just dental patients.. patients who are seriously ill admitted in wards.. and from next week, i am going to be a Scrub! oh yaa baby, i know much more then just pulling your teeth out! :D

its really hard though, the feeling that when someone comes to you, they actually trust you with their lives... and you cant feel like a normal crashed popularity stupid blogger anymore.. you are someone who's being assumed by a sick patient a life-saver! and you have to live upto that..most of the times.. though i might not get to deal with THAT critical condition, but the patient nevertheless is trusting me with his life.. innit? u still think i deserved just 3 comments! shouldnt i be getting a little more respect and popularity! i am a rocking dentist blogger! ahmm ahmm.. :$ lets not take this discussion any furthur!

for a change from this serious topic about being a life saver, *blah blah* .. lets do something fun..

let me review some movies i've recently watched :D although i have not being watching alot of movies these days.. i am stuck to reality shows! yes i know they are staged and fake, but hell i love those fights and controversies :D lol.. and hey you 'guys and anonymous(s)' must check out some youtube channels which are wayyy funny! like Ray William Johnson's channel.. the guy is way funnyy and i love the way he reviews the videos!

but we are talking about movies.. and i haven't watch much of the recent ones (didn't like the trailers) .. so here goes.

i watched "The pan's labyrinth" weird name? i searched for labyrinth's meaning before watching the movie :$ lol. its not an english movie, i tried to find the version dubbed in english but all i found was subtitles.. but i was soo fascinated by the reviews that i HAD to watch it.!! it was a fantasy tale, with a bit of violence.. but overall it wasnt bad.. i actually had a good time watching it... but i will recommend this movie only to those people who are really really really into fantasy stuff.. otherwise you will find it stupid and may be girlie too! (but come on! its not girlie 'guys and anonymous(s)')

then i watched "Love and other drugs" .. yes its end was predictable but i liked the concept about the girl suffering from Parkinson's. it was really good.. i could feel the love :P the warmth that is :P

Next "127 hours and EasyA" two completellyyyyyyyy different movies!! but very entertaining! 127 hours was based on a true story... and i can imagine now how bloody screwed up a person can get while trying to just have a good time and pursue their dreams.. i loved that line when that guy said that the rock with which his hand got stuck has been waiting for him for millions and millions of years until that rock came into existence, and he has been approaching nearer to it since he was born. i mean its good stuff right it makes sense, you never know how you are related to any remote stuff lying zillions of miles away from you until you get there and find the significance of its existence in your life! whooaa he could have said this dialogue while he was pissing in his pants in that creepy crack with a rock! *looks proud*

Easy A on the other hand had a completely different and totally hilarious theme. i LOVED LOVED LOVED the acting and the plot of the movie .. finally something to refresh the memories of "Mean Girls" :D haha.

you 'guys and anonymous(s)' must definitely watch these movies all four of them are of completely different genres but the best ones in their category trust me!

anyway i should probably go now.. i have stuff to do i am a busy person now :P

but guys and anonymouss.. :( what the hell? why the neglection? come on now my blog isnt that bad.. you can atleast leave a comment rite :$!

and i'd be looking forward for it.. i hope i get more comments now.. i can give you a free dental check up :$ and scaling too.. :$ and i can do your general examination too :D oo baby yaaaa ^^

lol .. have a gooddd dayy guys and anonymous(s)

:D luppp uuuuuuuuuu :-*

R-a-n-d-o-m-n-e-s-s-s-S-S =D

2011-01-27T02:32:00.000-08:00

helloo sunshine -.- helloooo people of the worldd... m back from the dead! :D lol

apparently, i was dead. Yes, BDS is slowly sucking the soul out of my body! But i can't believe i'm done! done with it :D!

Soo I was just sitting idle, thinking what to do as it has been just me n my lappy.. n the small people who sing and dance inside it to entertain me X( and then I remembered..Ohh I have a blog :D lol

I m writing this post with absolutely nothing in my head, so you can say its pretty spontaneous, and now I am thinking as I have been brought back to life after 4 torturous months of exams, lets make a list of all the things I would like to do before I am dead, like literally dead :P

I know I am self obsessed :D my posts are just about me me me my list my feelings my thoughts.. eee what else to do?? Review C grade movies? Think what it would be like to get popular for that :D “hey dad, aren’t you proud or what?” :D

Well ok lets get back to the list, things I want to do before I am gone :o

1. 1. Get married!

Yes :D its meant to be my no.1 priority :D… no not really I am not that desperate for my wedding.. I don’t want it to happen too soon, but I am sure excited about that ‘right time’ when everything’s meant to be just perfect! :D I just keep thinking about that one night.. my big day :D… oh well, lets not go into the depths rite now… but whoever wants to be invited can sure leave their number :D

2. 2. Finish BDS!!

Oh boy.. that sure’s gonna take a life time :| (I really hope not)

I love medical, I really WANT to be a dentist so bad.. why are you getting in the way BDS? :P I am holding my marriage because of you, get finished already!! =( lol poor me, (n again its just my weird sense of humor, not that I am desperate to get married) *blushing*

Btw, you can count ‘loving husband, kids, house, car blah blah blah’ within this wish itself :D

3. 3. Be a good writer!

Oh yes! Please, pretty please =( .. I know my writing style is not that sophisticated but you know.. whatever, screw it.. I don’t care, I love t4o write.. even BDS cant get in the way for this! I just don’t know.. what to do about it? :D suggest me something people.. I am up for any offer :D

4. 4. Bath under a waterfall.

Need description? :P ;) I looooooooovvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee waterfalls!! They are magical..!!! it’s the most beautiful aspect of nature, and I wish someday I could be able to see a waterfall.. I haven’t, ever.. =(

5. 5. To actually know why Bermuda triangle is such a creepy place!!!!

Yea yea.. I know.. curiousity killed the cat X( killed the cat or kills a cat? :o *curious* poor cat..

6. 6. Ride a unicorn.

You know what.. I think ill actually have to be DEAD for this :P so its not really a valid entry :D who careeeeeeesss? ^^

Oh well.. lets just hold the list for now. and yeah.. I want World Peace too :P!

I have expectations from life.. I do expect A LOT.. and yes, I get despressed when things don’t turn out my way.. but I am proud of many things that I have done to deal with it and accept the facts.. most of all I am proud that I have survived so far :D lol

Hm… wotelse to write?

I am just going to post it to see if any1’s up to tell me what goes on in Bermuda triangle? Lol.. or wants to hire me for writing…or just want to leave their numbers…. :D n I promise I am gonna invite them! :D

Love is Friendship =]... Set on fire :P

2010-11-20T08:25:00.000-08:00

There's always this one place..where you touch a woman, and she goes crazy! (please don't guess :P)

That's her heart. <3

Sometimes we don't understand what the heck we might be missing unless we get it, and when we do, strangely our whole life starts revolving around it..its funny 

I could sit all day long and write all the things I love about love :D 

but lets start off with something that's not too serious, and actually quite funny :P 

Giving stupid nicknames ^^

As this post is special, and dedicated to someone, so i am going to refer to that person throughout the post, and don't think its you unless all the nicknames match! :P 

There's this one person in my life.. who is my closest friend, who knows all my secrets, with whom i can share anything no matter how embarrassing it is.. and who doesn't even respond to most of the things i say :P lol. But the best part is that, he is always there..to listen, to make me realize how special and wonderful my life is and most of all the fact that i am special :) so this post is dedicated to him.. 

Sorry, that's all i could do, although you don't like reading, i am counting on the msg "It's better to read your blog then watching the stupid football" :D Although the conditions under which i received this msg weren't quite ideal .. lol 

well.. lets start den shall we :P

there are some awful nicknames :D that he happens to love (i guess). Some of them are really weird, some really girly, some too obvious :P but really, who cares? :P  

The one's i remember rite now are 

#1, n my fav :P Guloooo :D 

this pictures goes with the nick...rite? :P He's in a pretty good shape... round is also a shape :P!

 lolz.. he's nothing like this orange, only cuter ^^ .. and i am the one kissing :P n m cute tooooooo.. awiiee 

#2 would be... Vampy =D

Isn't this picture the cutest ^^ yayyy.. m in this picture as well :$ can't help it :P 

It's no twilight fever, seriously.. This nickname came out of necessity!!! As u see, vampires don't sleep :P and i hoped calling him with this nick would probably leave that impact on his personality... thou it didn't :( but i am still hopeful =p

The fangs looks sexy thou, i could deal with it ;) and the wings tooo. I soooo want to make one smiley here, but i don't want others to know abt it :P .. its just between vampy and me.. :D

#3 would be... n don't kill me for mentioning it, you're in disguise! :P "Bubbles" :D yes :P the powerpuff bubbles! lol.. i swear he is a guy, there were some really personal reasons for calling him bubbles :P can't mention them here :P 

It looks cute thou, if you notice. you know, that manly thing. if only she could cut off those hairs and.. *clears throat* never mind .. don't ask me the reason for this nick :P 

There are a lot of animals,i can relate him with lol. shory baby,i meant cute animals ^^

The neck isn't that long :$ but the face is dittooo :D 

:D :D This is actually added not because of the features..but because of very similar habits :P

 You are, a big one.. seriously :P

Anyway... getting over with some of the nicknames and animal references :P i would like to mention one more thing.. i just msged him to ask if he remembers all the nicknames i call him with, and the reply.. "Gulo, bus,aur kya?" :P 

There is one image, that can best describe both his looks and personality :P and i made it myself :D

hope you like it guloo ^^

 That's TYPICAL him! always in shorts, everytime i see you on webcam :P. same hairstyle, same face cut, same cute lil eyes :D and most important!! football in one hand :P

I wonder what's so exciting about watching a bunch of dorks running after a ball? :P I have been dying to tell him this line... hope you read it now , n i hope ur smiling *.*   

I have nothing against football, my only worry is the obsession and addiction towards a bunch of 11 guys :P u know wot i mean :D

just kidding o.O    Goooo Manchester Unitedddd goooo ^^ .. (go away =p)

Nice thighs :P

This post has been an awful lot of fun to write about.. and by now you must hv realized that really..u rock my world :D i can just be myself and be so happy about everything..and write about it :)  

and lets end the post by making a list of a few things that i love about you.. the highlights that is, and don't be so flattered please :P I've already decided m going to write just 5 points, dnt want to overwhelm you in any case 

1. the way you laugh when i say something that's really not funny :P  

2. ur really reallyyyy reaalllyyyyyy stupid songs with altered lyrics that make no sense at all :D

3. when im mad at someone and even without knowing the reason you just team up with me to talk silly abt dem so dat i could feel better abt it.lol :)

4. the way you keep appreciating everything i do, even if its some stupid poem that's only half way written and you don't understand a thing abt it :D

5. the fact that you are my bestest friend and can always handle all my crap wen im in da worst mood (by not responding to it :P)

you make me happiee..and i love you dearoo :) when your around, everything is magical.

:-*

<3

PS, the blog's background song is for you

Last Moments of Dawn

2010-11-11T06:33:00.000-08:00

Last Moments of Dawn

Okay Harriet, easy there, it’s just a stupid scanning. It won’t hurt, before you know it’s going to be over, easy, deep breathing. Good air in, bad air out.

I never thought I would be undergoing this junk, I can’t believe I even fell for it. Why doesn’t mom understand that migraine pain doesn’t require MRI scanning? She is being so unreasonable. I will be long gone before this fat doctor starts speaking gibberish. Oh God, here she comes.

“Tell me the good news mom; the doctors have decided to cut off half of my brain, right?” I know that was rude, but I didn’t want to be here.

“Come on Harriet, don’t be so sarcastic. I am just trying to help. I am your mother, I love you.”

I can’t argue with my sentimental mother. The best escape is to just nod and ignore. The headaches are really getting worse though, but I don’t care.

“Mom, I am going. I did what you said, now don’t stop me. You can tell me what the doctor said later.”

“Harriet, come back here.” My mother wanted to kill me, but I had absolutely no interest in listening about how I need to have an ‘enriched diet’ to improve blood supply to my brain, makes me want to puke.

I didn’t know then, that my whole life was about to change, but it did. Life surely is unpredictable. I am just 21, always thought that I am too young to have any well developed mature feeling, but God had better plans to prove me wrong.

I came home the following day, only to find my mom sitting alone on the couch, giving an impression like a snake just bit her.

“Mom, is everything okay?” I sat beside her, I really was worried. Last time she had that expression on her face after signing her divorce papers.

Silence, silence all around, weird?

“Say something, your scaring me! Did someone tell you I am on drugs? Because Jennifer really wants to get back on me for stealing her cheerleading post.” I had to make my guesses, apparently mom decided to go silent and let me do all the talk. But then she started behaving more strangely.

“I just love you so much Harriet, you are the only one in my life, the only one I live for.” She was in tears and hugging me tight. What happened to her? I think she bumped into dad. Poor mom! Must be hard for her.

“Mom would you please tell me what is it? Did you meet someone or heard anything bad about me?”

“No darling, I just wanted to tell you that no matter what, you are the best thing in my life.”

Okay, there is something fishy, and she is surely not going to tell me. I will have to find it out myself. But for now, I had better things to talk about.

“Mom, you can’t believe what happened today! I am so excited.”

“Yeah, tell me?” she smiled at me as I wiped off her tears.

“I ran into this guy when I was going for my classes. I was running late for the class and my sandal just came off at the stairs so I left it there and went straight to the class. He came for me later, with my sandal in his hands; he searched all around for me. Mom he is so cute, I can’t even explain that feeling, and I felt as if there are butterflies, fluttering all around in my stomach.”

“Honey, I think I have heard a similar story long time ago.” She raised her brows. What is she talking about anyway?

“What do you mean?”

“I mean Cinderella! Harriet, don’t make up stupid stories just because I am not in a good mood. I have to talk about something very serious with you.”

Yeah sure! Cinderella, what is wrong with my mother? I thought she was going to be happy for me.

“I am not making up any story mom. And I don’t want to talk about anything. I am meeting him again tomorrow, he asked me out for lunch!” I was pissed off at my mom’s response. She was going hysterical; she had definitely bumped into dad! Too bad she had to spoil my mood because of that.

I went straight up to my room, but felt a bit bad about it. She must be feeling lonely; I will definitely talk to her tomorrow about it.

Shit, the bloody pain started again. It’s really going to kill me some day; I can’t control this freaking headache anymore. Before I knew I was lying on the ground, holding my head and screaming like a lunatic. I definitely know how to create a scene out of migraine, leaves my mom in tears most of the time. Thank God she didn’t hear me, seemed already enough disturbed that day. I just took some medicines and tried to sleep. Didn’t work though, I was in pain the whole night, praying for it to magically disappear before my head explodes.

I don’t know how I fell asleep at night, but I was definitely nauseated when I woke up. I decided to ignore it. I was too excited for today, had to meet my Cinderella hero (can’t believe I am actually calling him that, Thanks a lot mom for screwing up with my imagination) and there was a party at Grace’s place at night! And I had picked just the perfect dress for that!

Grace is my childhood friend, been with me through tough times, including my parent’s divorce. She just got engaged and she has thrown this big party at her home, and I am the VIP! Can’t wait to tell her about my little sandal incident.

Standing outside the class, freezing cold, and no sign of my Cinderella hero! Damn I didn’t even ask his name, he’ll have to be referred to as the Cinderella hero for some time, sounds cute though.

This is seriously not done! How could he do this to me? I was really annoyed, didn’t even feel like going to the party. But I did, and trust me; I would have regretted not going.

So I was there at the party, with my perfect dress and looking exceptionally beautiful as quoted by my mother, when I saw him again. There he was! I couldn’t stop staring, I didn’t want to be the first to approach him, he already ditched me today! Although I have to admit, I was excited as hell because Grace must know all about him. Oh God, he is coming towards me.

“Didn’t know I would be expecting you here!” he seemed thrilled. He must have been regretting not showing up in the afternoon, I hope he has a good explanation for that.

“Yes, and I didn’t know you would go missing where you were much anticipated to show up.” I know I get very sarcastic, but that’s my nature! And he did screw up my mood.

He started laughing. I couldn’t believe someone could look so angelic. He just had the perfect face, the perfect lips and hair, his eyes had that little sparkle and his whole face just lit up when he smiled. Getting to deep now, isn’t it? But I couldn’t help it, I was lost.

“I am sorry for that, I got busy with work. I did come but I was three hours late, and not expecting you there.”

“Oh.” That was all I could say, was too busy staring at his lips as he spoke.

“But we could surely make other plans if you like. By the way, you look breath taking.”

I didn’t even notice the compliment or the offer for another date, I m really good at making a fool out of myself. But before I knew, the pain started again. It started getting worse and I headed towards the bathroom. The Cinderella hero has to wait just a bit longer. I didn’t know what happened next, I just woke up lying in his arms, his face gently bent towards mine. Oh God! Did he kiss me?

“Thank God you woke up, you passed out on your way, what happened?” I am really good at scaring the shit out of people; these fainting episodes are becoming too common. I wanted to tell him it’s his fault I had to skip lunch because I was too pissed off at him or may be its just weakness?

“I don’t know, my head was spinning and the next thing I know I was in your arms. Did you kiss me?” There is goes, desperate me! I had to ask him, I was getting really curious.

He laughed again, but I looked away, he made me pass out the last time he smiled.

“Yes I did, and to my surprise you woke up the very instant.” I couldn’t help it, I smiled widely at him. It might not be love just yet, but it was definitely something, really strong! I didn’t know what made me do it but I just dived into his arms n gave him a tight hug. He was my hero.

I stood up, feeling like a million dollar. I wanted to talk to him, but I had to talk to Grace first. I told him to wait, but as soon as I got back again along with Grace, he was gone. Shoot, when will I meet him again?

I was sad, but not disheartened. I knew I would meet him again, it was meant to be.

I came home just to find mom in the same pose. Oh dear, not again!

“Honey, please come here, sit beside me. We need to talk, this can’t wait any longer.”

“Mom, not now, you have to listen to me first.” This really couldn’t wait either!

“Okay then, go on baby.” My mom sighed, but she had to listen!

“Mom you won’t believe it! I met him again at the party. It was magical. I fainted and he lifted me up in his arms and kissed me, and I woke up!”

Mom had a funny look on her face. What’s with her?

“Why are you giving me that look?” I knew she was going to say something that was probably going to piss me off again.

“Just wondering what you are playing today, snow white or sleeping beauty?”

That did it! She thinks I am a stupid kid making up crap. I admit everything going between him and me is like a fairy tale, but to hear something like that from your own mother, it annoyed the hell out of me.

“Give me a break mom.” I stood up just to repeat yesterday’s scene all over again, but she held me back.

“Okay Harriet, I am sorry. I believe in your mystery boy. Go on tell me what happened after that? What is his name?” yeah, that’s just great. I didn’t ask his name, again!

“Mom, I don’t know. He just disappears every time.” I felt weird, like I am hallucinating. “You tell me, you wanted to talk about something important.”

I don’t know why mom looked so upset, there’s definitely something wrong.

“It can wait baby, just wanted you to start on with some new medicines.”

I took the medicines from her and went straight to bed. I must say the medicines did magic, I slept without feeling the slightest bit of headache, which was pretty unusual.

Few days passed and no sign of my mystery boy. I was really sad! This can’t be happening; you can’t just kiss and disappear. Mom was also acting weird around me, pampering me too much. I don’t know what’s up with her.

I decided to call Grace and meet up with her to help me find him. I had to track him down; he was definitely interested in me!

“Harriet, I don’t remember inviting someone that cute to my party!” Grace giggled. She can really be a pain sometimes.

“Grace! He was right there, drinking and flirting and kissing around!”

“Kissing around? Oh my! He kissed you. How come you didn’t take his number then?”

“I don’t know. He always seems to be in such a hurry, I just leave him for one moment and he vanishes.”

Oh no, there it goes again, headache, bad crazy headache.

“Grace, I got to go, will talk about it again. We have to find him.”

I knew I might faint again, I just hoped I reach home well before time. I was rushing home when I saw him again. He was right there, standing in front of me, smiling. Crap, that killer smile again.

I wanted to talk, but I couldn’t. My headache was killing me. I saw a blurry image of him, coming closer and closer, and then – blackout.

I woke up in the hospital. I mean seriously, hospital? What was he thinking; he could’ve kissed me like last time instead. Though I really wanted to know what’s wrong with me.

Before I knew the doctor was there, firing questions at me, asking whether my mom has told me yet. Told me what exactly? I was confused, doctors are so weird. But I had better questions for him.

“Who brought me here? Is he waiting outside for me?”

“I am afraid it’s rather a she Harriet, you should talk to her. She’s really worried.”

My first guess was mom, but it was Grace, freaking out like I have been hit by truck.

“Are you alright? You scared the shit out of me. If you weren’t feeling well you should’ve said so! I would have driven you home you crazy woman.”

“Grace, forget it. I am fine. Did you see him? He was right there when I fainted.”

“What are you talking about, you were lying at the middle of the road, sure there were a lot of people, but no one was there with you.”

I felt strange. I fainted right in front of that guy, and he just stood there with the random crowd! It was indeed very annoying, and I decided to forget all about him. The biggest worry for me right now was to know what the hell is up with these crazy headaches.

Just when I decided the right thing for myself, he definitely had to show up, and so he did when I was at the café.

“Hey there, how are you feeling now Harriet.”

Is he a stalker? How come he knows my name? Fishy!

“Wait. Let me close my eyes so that you can disappear.” I really meant that. I closed my eyes, and to my surprise, he kissed them.

I opened my eyes just to see that smile, the smile that could fix up everything and straighten up my mood no matter how screwed up it might be.

“Who are you?” I wanted to know him, everything about him. I was falling for him, madly.

That day, he didn’t disappear. We talked for hours, until my stupid headache started bothering me again and he hired a cab for me. But I was excited, wanted to go home and tell mom everything. Oh she was going to be so happy!

“Mom, you won’t believe it, he bumped into me again and now I know everything about him! His name is Herbert. He is doing some business and he travels all around the world. Mom he is so great, he is the best thing that ever happened to me. I can’t even explain it in words!”

“Herbert! Wasn’t that the name of your favorite stuffed toy you wouldn’t sleep without when you were young? You used to tell us he is your boyfriend.”

“Oh yes, I totally forgot that. Wow, it really is meant to be, isn’t it mom? He is just so perfect.” I was too happy and excited to see the worry and anticipation on my mom’s face.

As days passed, my love for him grew stronger and my headache worsen. I didn’t know why mom was becoming so vexed and upset about it. But it wasn’t long until I found out the actual thing!

I was routinely cleaning up mom’s room when I found my reports in her cupboard. Couldn’t really figure out anything from the scan until I read what’s written beneath it, which really made a chill run down my spine. I didn’t believe my eyes until I read it for the 100^th time – Right Temporal Lobe Tumor.

I kept staring at it, don’t know for how long. I couldn’t believe this could be happening to me. I gently rubbed my hands over my scalp, tumor is it? I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. It was like my tears froze inside and they wouldn’t come out no matter how badly I wanted them to. I was choking, trying to speak but couldn’t. I wanted to scream, cry, ask God why he did that to me, but all I could do was staring at those words. I stood there, frozen, until mom came up and saw me with those reports. She took the reports from my hand and threw them away.

“They really do want to cut off half of my brain, don’t they?” I finally spoke. And that did it; I burst into tears and hugged my mom real tight. She was more devastated than me but there’s nothing she could do instead of hugging me back.

“It’s going to be okay. I have talked to the doctors, we will make everything work. The treatments are very effective.” But I knew better. I didn’t say anything to her, but there was definitely A LOT I had to say to my doctor.

“Well you see Harriet, there is a giant neoplasm building up on the right temporal lobe of your brain, we can’t suggest complete removal because there is sustained angiogenesis and involves much risk.”

And he thinks I understand all this, guess I am too down and out to respond right now.

“Can’t we just start off with another set of medicines instead?” I could tell, my mom was about to cry.

“We can start with chemotherapy, or we could surgically remove part of the tumor which lacks the blood supply.”

“Why can’t you just cut off the whole damn thing and we’ll see what happens?” I shouldn’t speak much, especially around my mom.

“We can’t do that Harriet, there’s a major risk involved. You could bleed to death.”

DEATH, damn how did it get this serious. I was shaking.

The best thing I could do at that point was get up and leave, and so I did. Cried myself to sleep wrapped in my mother’s arms, couldn’t think of the time I last did that, but it definitely felt good.

I had to fight with this tumor, as long as I could. I had to live, for my mother, and for Herbert too. We were madly in love, and I was too scared to tell him the reality. I really wanted him to be there with me, to make it all easier for me. God I can’t believe this is happening to me.

I felt as if these tears would never stop. I had to end this, there was no way I could live with this giant alien screwing up everything in my head.

“I want you to remove the entire tumor at one go.” I was sure about this, I couldn’t live with it.

“Are you sure about what you are saying Harriet. You know about the risks involved, don’t you?”

Yes, the doctor thinks the tumor is taking over me, but it’s still me who’s speaking.

“She is being stupid, I will talk her out of it, don’t listen to her.”

“Mom I am 21, I can make my own decisions. I can’t live with it; I am dying a little inside every day. It’s better if it just ends for once. I am holding on to my chances of survival, no matter how less they are.”

I didn’t want to make my mom cry, but I had to do it, for better.

“You are being unreasonable.” She said along with all that heavy sobbing.

“Harriet, I want you to reconsider your decision, and then tell me. You need to think about your mom, hang in there for as long as you can.”

I don’t even know what to do any more. May be I need a break from all this. I decided to invite Herbert at home, so that he could meet my mother. I really wanted to know what my mom thinks about him, so I invited him over at my place.

“Must be stuck in traffic.” I spoke while starting at the clock. I invited Grace too, and we had been waiting for Herbert for two hours.

“May be you should call him and check.” Grace was getting frustrated, I could tell.

“His number is off, I have tried several times.” What if he doesn’t show up? How could he even do this to me, my mom cooked all day!

“Harriet, its 12 am, I guess I should leave now. It’s late.” I felt like crying, but I didn’t want to make a fool out of myself. My mom guessed that.

“No problem sweetheart, we will meet him some other day, he must have forgotten about it with all the work.”

“Although it’s strange, you are dating him for three months now, and I have never seen him.” Grace was curious, especially owing to the fact that he was there at her party.

“I will make sure he’s there the next time we meet.”

“Let it be then, tomorrow at lunch, where you guys daily meet.”

It was done, he always showed up for lunch.

I really wanted mom and Grace to meet him, but perhaps Herbert had other plans. He didn’t show up for lunch either, which was pretty unusual.

“Harriet, I think we need to talk.” I didn’t quite like the tone of my mother’s voice.

“What is it?”

“I was talking to the doctor about your headaches, and he told me about many other complications regarding your condition.”

“What complications?” I was scared now.

“The part of your brain affected, it might result in hallucinations. You should talk to the doctor about it.”

I couldn’t believe my mom said this, she thought I was turning into a psycho, she thought Herbert is imaginary. She got to be kidding me.

“Mom, do you have any idea about what you are saying? I don’t even want to talk about it. Herbert is the most beautiful reality of my life, my life is already miserable enough, don’t make me die before time by convincing me he is not real, because he is. He is my life, I love him.”

“Harriet, I don’t mean to hurt you, just come with me to the doctor, and tell him the whole thing.”

“Screw the doctors.” I wanted to rip off his head for even suggesting such an absurd thing.

I got up and left. I hate to do this to mom every time, but how could she even think of something like that.

I tried calling him after I reached home, but couldn’t get to him. My headache was worsening, so much that I couldn’t control it anymore. I ran outside and sat on the bench crying my heart out. I wanted to die at that very instance, wanted to get rid of everything. I couldn’t bear to live with that giant mass in my head any longer, and just as I was about to give everything up, he had to show up!

“Stop crying sweetheart, you have to be strong.” He wrapped me in his arms. I didn’t really know how to respond.

“Just go away Herbert, you are not real. You are just a stupid object who came out of my imagination to screw up my already messed up life.” I cried harder, but I didn’t want to let him go so I held on tighter.

“Who said that? I am real, I love you baby.” He squeezed me tightly.

“Then why is that you only appear when I am alone, or suffering from a bad headache. Why do all my attempts of making you and my mother meet fail every time?”

“I am here Harriet, I will meet your mom, and I will set everything right. Call her, I will meet her right now.” he wiped off my tears and kissed me. For a moment I thought everything is going to be okay. I ran back to the house to call my mother, but as soon as I reached back, he was gone.

“Mom, take me to the doctor.” That’s all I had to say.

I wanted the doctors to remove the tumor as soon as they could. It had already done enough damage; I didn’t want to wait any longer. My mom was strongly against it, but I was adamant, so I got admitted in the hospital.

“Are you sure this is what you want Harriet? I love you so much honey, you can hang on just a bit longer for me, can’t you?” I was wrapped up in my mom’s arm and she did everything she could to change my mind.

“I can’t make your life more miserable than it already is mom. I can’t live with it; I am dying every second with the existence of this tumor, messing up with everything I cherished in my life. No matter how fake Herbert is, my love was real, I felt it. I don’t want to start hating my own self for creating him. I would rather die with these feelings than live with it knowing that they mean nothing in reality. Go on, go home for a while, you need rest, and so do I. Come back in the evening. I love you.”

I kissed her wet cheeks, she was crying really hard. But there was nothing I could do to change it.

I closed my eyes as she left the room, and then, I heard that voice again.

“Harriet, I told you not to go for this surgery, how could you do this to me?”

There he was, the very first time with tears in his eyes. He still took my breath away. I didn’t want to talk much with my own imagination, made me feel sick, but I still wanted him to be there.

“Will you come here Friday morning; I want to see you for the last time before my tumor gets removed.”

I was getting unconscious; just saw a blurry image of him wiping off his tears before I closed my eyes. That was the last time I saw him.

It was Friday morning. I got up early to see the sunrise, it made me feel warm, loved. I still had this feeling that Herbert would show up and prove that he exists, and I am not hallucinating.

Two hours before the surgery, I am badly freaking out. Mom is right here with me, Grace wouldn’t stop crying, can’t believe dad showed up too. I felt happy but sad at the same time that I will have to leave mom with him. He was no good for her.

“Honey, you can still change your mind.” That was my mom’s last attempt to convince me, wasn’t helping much though.

“Mom, just be with me, I don’t want to say anything to make you cry more at this time.” I hugged her tight and closed my eyes.

“Ready for the operation Harriet?” there was the doctor, my killer, standing right in front of me.

“Is it possible if we could wait just a bit longer?” I had to give Herbert a chance, I was still positive he will show up.

“Are you still waiting for him?” Grace gave me a pitiful look. I didn’t answer her and just closed my eyes again.

“Harriet, how longer do you want us to wait? It has been 3 hours; do you want us to start off with it now?”

“Just a little bit longer.” I stared at the entrance. Please show up Herbert, you have to.

Six hours passed. I wasn’t planning to see the sunset as well. Didn’t know this was coming up.

“Okay Harriet, I want you to know that we can delay your surgery as much as you want. But if you are waiting for someone to show up, he won’t, unless you want the room to be completely evacuated so that he could show up in your imagination.

That was it. How could I be so stupid? He wasn’t real; it was just a stupid Cinderella story. I can’t believe I made that all up. Herbert is just a hallucination, and I want to get rid of it – now!

“I am ready doctor, you can start.”

I hugged my mom for the last time and kissed her. I closed my eyes, not knowing if I’d ever be able to open them again.

The operation wasn’t successful, and Harriet couldn’t make it through the operation. To everyone’s surprise, Herbert showed up when the doctors were busy right at the middle of the operation. He was real, very much real. Harriet wasn’t hallucinating. He gave her some of the most cherished memories that she died with, though much convinced that they were fake.

Life's a bitch, and then you become one too!

2010-11-10T04:42:00.000-08:00

sometimes your own life can be quite bitchy to u. Disappointments..lots of disappointments, always having the fear that this time will also pass, sometimes its too hard to live with it. some people quit, and regret.

i dont

deactivating your fcbk acc is like committing suicide.. i did that. sorry mark zuckerberg.. i always wanted to die for a temporary period to see who misses me, i can atleast do that on fcbk now isnt it? and its going to be nice to know how many people actually comment without my posting links on fcbk..*really not expecting anyone to, honestly*

Ok, just now.. something random has hit my mind. i want to make a list of all those times when i was really disappointed by someone. here goesss

when i was in KG, i had this counting book of 1 to 100. the day i reached on the last page, i felt like a million dollars, i knew the counting has finished and there are no numbers above 100. felt choked up n sick in the gut when teacher started off with 101 the very next day, i was literally in tears. that i guess, was the first disappointment i remember.
i hv to admit, i was crazy abt Amir Khan as a kid. i totally adored him. i had his picture under my pillow n i wont sleep unless i kissed it. then there was this new admission, his name was Zain. (dnt take me wrong, m still in KG :P). he was a very cute kid and he resembled amir khan alooooooot. i kept staring at him the whole time and as soon as i came home i told my dad i want to get married to him. my dad was in shock, her 5 yrz old daughter wanted to get married. i told him i liked him the next day...n few days later, he left :(. i was devastated!
i used to trade my toys with my brother so that i can gather enough money to buy a ticket to pakistan. too bad, i regret that now... those toys had more worth!
when i was in third grade, my best friend decided she wanted to repeat the class, and she left me, forgot all about me among her new classmates. i fought, she fought back. we became fake friends, strangely we still are!
my 2nd best friend left me wen i was in 6th grade. lost all contacts, met her few years later...fake friends ever since!
3rd best friend left wen i was in 1st year. now this is serious, i wanted to die. well, dnt want to comment abt it. to your relief, we are not fake friends :P

u know wot.. lets not go furthur.. it will get too serious, if i tell you.. i'll have to kill you :P

we plan so much for life, at times it all comes tumbling down, and you cant do nothing to put it all back together. feeling like a loser is not always bad.

woteverrrr

i really hope someone reads this.. n notices the fact that i have disappeared from facebook. i feel suicidal though. after watching the social network i got more closer to facebook. but had to do it!!

btw, the social network was a good movie. want a brain like mark zuckerberg. better than watching the romantic comedies crap over n over again.

anyways..guess its enough.. cant think of anything else to write.. if someone wants to help me writing up a story..plz do contact!

the closing line of this post would be...

we come. we eff. we die.

hv a gud time figuring out abt eff if your not smart enough to hv understood already! :)

Wish Upon a Star

2010-10-16T01:00:00.000-07:00

A lonesome star above the sky

A broken heart down below

Gazing down with lonely eye

Wondering if something’s worth shining for?

The heart is gloomy, willing to die

Waiting for some magic to reverse the snare

Incredulous if beating again is worth a try

It asks the star to cast a charming flare

The star is hidden behind the moonlight, scared to shine again

The heart is certain; the glint will cast away the pain

Dear star, shine again

Shed some light on my lonely being

Make me believe that beating is worthwhile

As I am drained from all my pain

Yes I’ll shine and spark and glitter

And kill my loneliness with your amity

They both concurred on a common conclusion

That solitude is just a matter of delusion

And from that day the misery came to an end

Coz the star indeed, is my silent friend.

just something i wrote for the star that stares at me every night.. :)

criticism is most welcome..*not*

What is perfection???.. Just a random thought!

2010-09-18T18:10:00.000-07:00

OK.. this is weird.. i have been away from my blog since forever and all of a sudden at 3.30 am i couldn't sleep because i had to write! I know that hardly two people in the entire world would read this (including me) but it doesnt really matter, does it?

when we make a blog.. why does it really matter how many people actually follow it? i mean its my personal blog, like a personal diary, i dont need followers, just a few friends who will happily wanna comment. weird?

so guess what is going on in my mind? i have been thinkin on and on about it for two hours. i just couldnt find any answer. lets think of a scenario.

Suppose this woman is.. ummm.. Julia? and the man is Peter. So Julia wakes up one day and looks at herself in the mirror. She thinks to herself, what if i dont brush my hair today? or put on my denture. she looks at her adolescence picture and gets upset. she thinks wot it wud b like to go back in old times. but what do "old times" actually represent? her love with Peter.. may be love at first sight? her perfect body, thick black hair, flawless skin, shiny white teeth with the perfect smile. everythin that Peter wouldve prolly needed to fell in love at first sight. but now she is not left with a single one of these. she lays back and thinks about old times, when she was perfect in everyway. suddenly peter wakes up. she is still lost in her thoughts - old feeble Julia, with a major hairfall situation, body like a jelly fish, wrinkles and a bad, BAD mornin breath, big turn off for peter?

he comes closer and wraps his arms around her and whispers in her ears, you just made my day beautiful lady, this is love at first sight and then, he kisses her.. and all the negative vibes just fade away. this is when she realized that these are the arms that i would wanna be curled up in when i am takin my last breath, and yes - i am beautful.

well this was just.. a thought.. random.. absoultely random. i was just thinkin how people run after perfection. i think whatever i mentioned above are the only things that can make ur life perfect. whats with the whole size 0 figure, and tryin to make yourself fairer with disguistin amounts of cream, liposuction, botox, nose job, freakin boob jobs? i mean seriously "men", they are just breasts! even cows have them.. double the amount a woman have! than whats the urge all about whats the staring all about? they are just ugly lookin breasts that will eject milk at some point to feed a baby, does that fascinate you???? why do you wanna look at it?? stare at it? well, julia roberts wanted to knowe the very same thing in Notting hill, and hugh grant had to look at her breasts to come up with an answer, how cool is that?

i just think that perfection has been burried sumwhere under botox and crash diets. what do people actually mean when they go for these painful procedures stating that they wanna fit in? what is fittin in? you are alive, breathin. Mother earth has accepted you, the plants love you, they are constantly supplyin oxyen to you so that you can breath in and out, the streets are laid out so that you can walk, the sun came out for you so that you can enjoy a bright sunnyday, even went away so thaT YOU can sleep properly. the nature has officially accepted you, whereelse you wanna fit in? injectin botox to paralyze half of your cheeks is fittin in? or diggin in a deep hole to suck fat and make you die early is fittin in?

i dont know, what is perfection, may be i will only know and realize that i am perfect when i am 70 - lookin for my denture and someone will pull me towards himself and tell me that i am beautiful.

4 am now.. couldnt sleep without writin all this.. i have no idea where did all this come from? =/

anyway.. nite nite! m off

^^ n feelin good yEaaa,

FunnNNnn Timeee..!! =] =]

2010-05-17T23:41:00.000-07:00

Ooo yaa baby yaa :D i am back to Kuwaiiitttttttttt.. and it feels soo wonderful <3 and on my way to kuwait i saw the most beautiful view of my life!! :D

They seem like a lot of cotton candies merged together to form a giant cotton candy for a big monster baby who will swallow it in one go and then cry for more!

I didnt take more pictures of the clouds when they were arranged in such a way that it seemed like there is this man riding on a unicorn with a bow in his hand projecting towards another man who was horrorstruck and running in the opposite direction.. ooo ya it exactly looked like the way i am telling believe me, no kidding!!! May be it was for real, like some cloud pirates in disguise? stuck in one position behind the clouds and waiting for the plane to pass by? or may be we did see them and then they took away our memory like they do everytime when they are caught in action? .. well impossible is nothing you know =/ ok i sound crazy .. lalalalllaaalllaaa ^^ my big cotton candy theory :D

heyyyy guess what now i have my very own UNICORN!!! no kidding!!! its a baby unicorn and she has pink ears so i have named her Misty!! you wanna see it :D?

lol shez cute isnt she? Oh and her horn is completely harmless! and she is still sitting on this couch and looking at me, awww i love her <3

You know what :( i have become a big scaredy cat... i cant sleep alone, i freak out when its dark and i am alone, even when the curtains are moving slightly just due to the table fan! and last night i fell asleep while watching the curtains with my eyes almost popping out, and then i had a dream =| which i wish i could just forget..damn it was like my whole house was haunted with a whole family of ugly puke inducing-faced ghosts! (is puke-inducing - face even a word?) anyway! .. it was a family of 5.. mom dad and 3 small kids, 2 boys and one girl.. aren't kids supposed to be cute :s? they were horrifying.. sitting on the top of my cupboard and playing yoyo.. i mean seriously.. that boy was playing yoyo and laughing! and i was freaking out like anything! and then they were coming after me, i didnt even know what i've done to make them so grumpy :s.. and then i saw that i woke up from the dream and thanked GOD that i am still alive and my friend was standing in front of me and she also turned into puke inducing- faced ghost and i jumped out of my bed and found out that everyone in my house is a PIF ghost! (PIF= puke inducing faced) and then i finally woke up in real and kept staring at my mom's face for a very long time until i was satisfied that i am safe now.. uugghhhh why do we get such weirdoo dreams its soooo creepy!

anyway i am trying to forget the dream now.. i hope i do soon.. or else i am definitely gonna puke by the end of the day!

soooooo being in kuwait, in my HOME .. it just feels so great :D! no loadshedding no mosquitoes no sweating like a dog everytime no university headache no grumpy cousins no fighting no nothing! just good food.. 24/7 ac..tv..laptop..and a can of pepsi .. can it get any better??? :D its like my heaven .. my tension free life which i took for granted for 18 years of my life.. but now i completely realize its worth!

though i miss uni a bit.. its always fun with my Silly friends.. :)

let me suggest you guys some good songs.. !!

listen to songs by Rahet fateh ali khan he is sooo good i mean he sings so well and his voice is sooo deep its like your mind is sinking deep n deep into thiss biggg whirlpool.. a good whirlpool that is, which takes you to another dimensions .. you know? in shorts listen to his songs!! .. and listen to his new punjabi song from the film Virsa ( i know it might sound paindu and horrible but the song its just great) its titled Mein tenu samjhawan ki, i know..sounds funny :P but its very nice!!!

ok wotelse??? i guess thats enough for today.. i'll keep posting ^^

yayyy i am so happiieee =D

Oooo yaaaa and last but not the least....

I MISS YOU HAIDERRRR!!! I MISS YOU BAD! its a torture to be unable to tell you my ghosty dream on fone with me special effects :P .. no seriously i miss u real bad :(!

Taggy Taggyyy =]

2010-05-16T23:11:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by Sidrah =)

Anyway, this is fun!

The rules are

1. Name a song that makes you happy - a song you would listen to if you needed a sudden injection of happiness

2. Post an image that makes you smile. It can be anything - a silly photo, an image taken from the internet, anything at all that puts a smile on your face (and isn't too rude!).

Ok 1stly i would like to make a comment, these r questions not rules =/ and i am too lazy to change it!

anywayy ... my happiee song! =) let me bring my ipod! =p

Everything by Lifehouse

i have some really good memories with this one and it always reminds me of sum one thinkin of whom surely brings a big smile on my face! so i LOVE it!

Best Friend by Toy Box & Smile by Uncle Kracker

well these are just hyper active happiee happiiee songs and they always cheer me up! =)

so i guess 3 are enough .. wese bhi i was supposed to mention just 1 =p

now coming to the 2nd question .. hmmmmmm.. lets post up some pictures :P!

Okk .. thou its not a clear picture.. i love the face Izbah is making in this photo.. n it always makes me smile because both of them are like my own kids :) <3 <3

hahahahh :D sorryyy haiderr i put this up without asking you but i could not help it :P i was bound to add this as a picture that will ALWAYS make me smile no matter how many times i see it :D lol .. you look cute thou you know :P <3 really cute :D

Okii so i have done my part.. now its comment time ^^
i broke the rules.. But apparently there are no rules .. so make up your Own =) and have funnn..!!!

and i tag everyone who reads this :)

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue!

2010-04-04T12:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, 1stly.. i know my last post was all about how i have neglected my blog and have been a dead blogger, and then have continued to be a dead blogger :(. Sometimes strange things happen to normal people who stop acting normally though they think that they are acting normally but in reality they are just not in their element. Getting my point? I mean.. i am happy, i have a great life. My brother is getting married...I am recovering from a bad condition, i have this person in my life who loves me A LOT and i do, too. Everything is perfect, except for the fact that i am not in my element, i tend to get too busy even for my own self =/. Toooo bad! I need to be charged up again, talk stupid, write depressing stories :P, talk about places and creatures who don't exist, make flop lists and laugh at myself, read novels instead of course books! Oh that reminds me i cleared my BDS-1 which makes me 25% qualified dentist :D now that's something to celebrate and dance and jump and sing and..make a post about? :P

But i have dedicated my post to weddings :D as clear from the title! Nooo, i am not getting married! but everybody around (including my one n only brother) is getting married! and that give me creeps, like not bugging sort of creeps, like.. ummm, tickling sort of creeps? like butterflies flying everywhere (including inside my stomach), and my heart... well :) it feels good, for a change.. I am growing up.. because it is alot more then just rainbows and butterflies. I have actually started dreaming about my own wedding.. and from there came the concept of something old something new something borrowed and something blue. It's like a tradition, the bride should have all the above mentioned things included in her accessories or whatever..which brings good luck! 

Like if i am getting married *already started getting the tickling creeps* i can have something old.. like wearing my mom's necklace?? something new, well that's going to make a looooooong list!! something borrowed? ummmmm.. from my friends, like, ermmmm, like what? =/ what can i borrow? rings? anklet? lispstick? =/ *rolling eyes* and something blue :D a hairpin? a cute butterfly shaped hair pin :) that would just be perfect! *tickling creeps gaining more intensity* i wish i could have something magical.. like my groom coming on a unicorn :D? a bright shining milky white unicorn with this big glittery horn, aahhhhh.. 

*REALITY CHECK* i m just a kid .. =[ there's still plenty of time, but no harm in planning! it gives me creeps, pleasant creeps, pleasing creeps? can creeps be pleasing? whateverrr =] 

Hmmmm, as i am in a good mood, so i have decided to write a sad pessimistic love story :D any suggestions? :p

Nah, well.. i have actually started on with something quite different, i am sick of love stories, now the only love story that i'll write will be my original reality based version :P *Coming soon* which will be happy.. full of colours :) but for now, i am going to write something, ummmm.. something mystical? dragons n butterflies n mermaids n unicorns n nymphs etc etc :D sounds fun? it does, to me atleast. But right now the only thing that i can think of is weddinggggggggggggggg... :D i have gone nuts.

Anyway, i guess that's enough for now, my mom just reminded me i have to go uni tomorrow :( *all the tickling creeps fading away* 3 more years of misery..torture..nightmare :( quwan quwan. whatever, aal is well =(

I'll be a dentist, and a writer, and a cryptozoologist *clears throat* and i will earn money and build a house near Niagara falls! 

but for that i have to get up and press my clothes and go to bed and wake up early cursing the alarm clock and go to uni grumpily and spend half of the day there which would seem like a lifetime, sit in the deadly lecture hall and daydream about everything i mentioned above.. ohh well, its still my life, my very own version of...everything? and i like it :) because in the end.. it's all worth it.. 

sooo i have to stop here.. suggestions about my story and about the "something borrowed" part of my wedding are most welcome, in fact i really need some serious suggestions about the latter :P!

Goodnityyy to all my lovely blogger fans :D (who happen to be only 2-3) Gosh my fan list is declining *scratching head*. Will think about some publicity stunts tomorrow during the lectures! 

off for nowww ^^

P.S. Blogging is fun :D silly and stupid and fun, fun fun fun! :D :D :D

Sorry to my dearo bloggie =[

2009-12-21T09:21:00.000-08:00

I MADE IT DIE!! :(

Because of my stupid exams..which are finally going to end after 2 and half months.. :O why..why..why..just why did i have to become a MEDICAL STUDENT??! Ok, whatever..Dentists ARE sexy!

And i don't think i can completely blame BDS! something is definitely wrong with me! i don't feel like blogging! i don't feel like writing stories or reading novels! Today i was talking to the cover of my novel begging it to be a good friend :s .. and then i kissed it *DUH!* and opened to read, and closed it :o it must be mad at me :(, i bet i'll hate that novel, because now it won't be a good friend *sigh*

But i am blogging, rite. m posting something, so i'll eventually get back to normal! Though i dont really know why i m NOT normal.. ermm, let's make a list of the possibilities!

1. I am mad at someone. but m always mad at someone! i write stories to take out my frustration!

2. May be i need a change. but changes are good! this cant be a good change! i LOVE writing!

3. I'm on break? but but but.. i've already been on a break for 3 whole months..how long do these breaks last anyway?

4. I am just too lazy! ..uhhh, its not like i hv to run on a trademill or something :s

This is officially a FLOP list =] lets not go any furthur!

i watched new moon!!! MY taylor lautner looked so HOT! i drooled, literally drooled wen i saw him shirtless! If i could just meet him once...... Ahhh (: lol

Anyhow! Let me share something personal! i think that my house in Pak is haunted! no kidding! i see things! i mean.. its like.. shadows? and cats? and voices? and to feel someone's presence? ahmm.. I am a brave person! i dont think they are just illusions.. !! what if.. its something supernatural i can be friends with? i mean whatever it is it has never harmed me so it must like me na ? ahaaa.. what if it is a ware-wolf =) who can turn into a human being? or it could just be a plain boring ghost :(! no charm in my life! *sorry ghostie ur just not that IN nowadays*

May be that's the kind of change i need!

People say i'm not much of a talking person.. what do they mean by "Talking Person" anyway? :S i speak when i need something, isn't that enough? can't i be a "Listening person" =/. I smile wide when i see someone, i greet them, i sit beside them, i keep smiling. is there anything else i am supposed to do? like talk? about what?????? One of my cousin said to me that i am just unfriendly and plain rude.. because i don't talk .. =| now that's not true! I just like to keep most of the things to myself, or share it wid a few close friends, is that a problem =/ ? i dont think so!

i want to write a story!!! i have a couple of ideas..outlines..even thought of a few dialogues =p, but i'm not able to come up with something, its like someone has messed up with my brain.. my cute tiny lil brain :( what harm cud it do to any1??? its just like a cute walnut.. a BIG walnut that is!

You know what! i m such a confused person! whoever reads this crappy post, the whole of it, n comment..i officially declare them my good friends!! and *yayyyy* to me! finally i WROTE :D .. and it made me happy!

*happy dance*

PS. i dont know what is wrong with me but i have started flirting around alot.. i was a nice decent person =|! U know, not in a nasty sort of way.. but i flirt! Ok i better stop writing now =]

Hy Hy Hyy.. just one more thing!!

I AM DYING TO SEE AVATAR!

and and and.. i drank beer :P *non-alcoholic*

and i want a penguin!!

Okii ..now m done =>

Rock n Roll =D

2009-10-02T03:48:00.000-07:00

Ok.. yet again, I am bored :)

And I'm sweating like a dog! it's so damn hot!

So, I've decided to do something constructive :D lol

My iPod is on shuffle, and I'll write down the phrase I like the best of any song that comes up.. coolie =]

soo.. here goes!

Oh, it's Massari :D! Be Easy. Hmmmmmm

Baby I want ur love
and I can't get enough

It's u I'm thinking of
Coz ur the one I want
Come on, come on

Well, to be honest .. This is the only part I like, rest the music is the only good thing!

~~~

Sparkling angel, I couldn't see
your dark intentions, your feelings for me.
Fallen angel, tell me why?
What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?

I so love the chorus of this song! It's great.. and recommended :D

~~~

I would die for you
Climb the highest mountain
Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do.
Now I've found you
There's no more emptiness inside

~~~

I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

This song makes me cry!! :(

~~~

If loving you with all my heart's a crime

Then I'm guilty

~~~

Chahe tum kuch naa kaho, meine sun lia

Ke saathi pyaar ka, mujhe chun liya, chun liya, meine sun liyaaa :D

hehehh.. yayy^^ i love it!

~~~

You've got me head over heels
There's nothing left to fear
If you really feel the way I feel

I love the music!!

~~~

All day long I can hear people talking out loud

But when you hold me near
You drown out the crowd
Try as they may, they can never defy
What's been said between your heart and mine

=) =)!

~~~

Tu ijazat de agar, tujh se thora pyaar mei kar loon, jaan-e-jaan

Beth mere samne, khaali dil khaali nazar bhar loon, jaan-e-jaan

Ok :P that was weird! .. but i like it! It's really romantic =]

~~~

and i dreamed your dream for you and now your dream is real
how can you look at me as i was just another one of your deals?
when you can fall for chains of silver you can fall for chains of gold
you can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold
you promised me everything you promised me thick and thin
now you just say oh romeo yeah you know i used to have a scene with him

~~~

Every darkest sky has a shining ray
And it shines on you baby can't you see
You're the only one who can shine for me

~~~

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love

I wish..

~~~

Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything, o-o-o-oh
Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?

~~~

Okay.. last one!

kiss me and smile for me,
Tell me that you'll wait for me,
Hold me like you'll never let me go.

Ok..that's enough!!

Now ..I've not written the names of the song.. because i want everyone to guess it, llalalalalalaaa^^

Me, Myself and Boredom..!!

2009-09-19T09:13:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhhhh :(!! I am the most farigh person on this planet! I have got NOTHING to do! nothing :S..!! And there's no one to give me company :(. Sometimes i wish there was a forward button in my life .. =/ Whatever!

My Eid shopping is doomed! I just went out shopping once.. :S I miss my mom so bad! :(

Why is nobody online?? :(

Why is nobody commenting on facebook..errr.. WHERE IS EVERYONE?! .. Aftar party, shopping, outing huh :( .. and me :'(

Grr..Whatever! screw it .. I am such a boring person..out of all the fields in this world..i had to choose DENTISTRY :S.. i mean..dentist?! .. I'm going to be a dentist! I'm going to flush everyone's mouth for money! I'm going to give their tooth a long lasting healthy wealthy life.. Media sciences, fashion designing, textile, interiors.. no! what did i choose? sitting in the lab making denture for someone's granny .. uggghhhhhhhh.. why..why..why why why :( ??

please, someone..tell me they think dentists are sexy and dentistry is exciting? please? pretty

please?

Oh well .. that made me laugh =/ in a weird sort of way!

Nope :)!

yeah baby, i am the tooth fairy :D! ..

well, dentistry is not that bad after all, you get to be the tooth fairy.. and lean over handsome man..uhummm..sorry that kind of, slipped out =]

Whatelse?! I am still so bored :(

I've watched soo many films in the previous week! Lets make a list!

Obsessed

Perfume

The Girlfriend Experience

Baby On Board

If Only

Okay..so the best one was If Only without any doubt, and it made me cry twice.. ermm, I wish, that.. hmmm! never mind :).. it was a gr8 movie! baby on board was funny..that's it, funny =/! Gf experience was a bad experience, lol.. Obsessed :D! i LOVED the cat fight in the end! it was the best part.. and Perfume was very interestingly weird! but i enjoyed watching it =]

I want to see Final Destination 4 :( quwan quwan!

What else =/

hmmm..hmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmm..ummmmmmmmm

lets talk about the 7 deadly sins ? hmm =/

Ok, which one is the sexiest? lol.. these ladies, if you have a closer look..are actually lying in graves! see the rectangular borders around them, that's right..its a grave!! =]

so lets see what they represent..

upper row.. left to right! Pride, envy, lust, wrath. and bottom row, gluttony, greed and sloth.

now i'll rate mine on a scale of 1 to 7.. 1 being the top most =|

1. Lust .. Oh well! what can i do .. *embarrassed*

2. Gluttony

3. Greed

4. Sloth

5. Wrath

6. Pride

7. Envy

ahmm..atleast m not envious ? right =/..

lets not talk about the punishment *yikes*

Ahwwwnnnnnn.. what else :(

let me put up some good pictures =\

i guess..that's me ..and that dragon is a life ruin-er :(! huh whatever .. I don't feel stupid saying that i believe in unicorns and mermaids.. duhh!

Heylooo baby can i see a smile =)??

lol

*wink wink*

My Best Friend

2009-09-13T08:29:00.000-07:00

My Best Friend

She smiled as she pulled out her best friend’s photograph from the closet. She felt very alone. She never thought that time would create such an enormous gap between them. They were just meant to be together, friends for life.

“I miss you Jacob.” She cried as she kissed his photo, and remembered old times.

“Jacob, stop it. Give it back to me!”

“Come on Leslie just let me have a look.”

“Jacob! No.”

“Ok, well, then come and get it.” He stood up and started running, and Leslie ran after him.

“Jacob, stop.” She kept yelling and finally dived on him. They both fell down and rolled over the ground. Leslie got up and snatched the diary from Jacob.

“Uh, my back hurts. What do you write in this stupid thing anyway?” Jacob asked as he got up. Leslie started laughing at the site of Jacob covered in mud.

“Leslie, what’s so funny? Just look at your own self first.” And she realized that all her clothes were ruined with dirt. She paused for a while and then they both started laughing again.

Jacob and Leslie have always been best friends. Jacob lived in her neighborhood and they went to same school and college and were finally about to get graduated together. There wasn’t a single moment when they felt the need of any other companion in their life. They were perfect, perfect together and perfect for each other. Was it love? They didn’t know. They didn’t want to know. Everything was so perfect that they didn’t want to put any other tag on their bond. Leslie had always been the emotional one and always used to tell Jacob how scared she was to lose him. But he assured her, no matter what it takes; he’ll never let this relationship die. They both knew each other inside out, but Leslie never used to let Jacob read her diary, still Jacob thought he knew everything.

Days passed, and finally it was the graduation day. After the ceremony, Leslie went missing. Jacob searched everywhere for her and finally found her crying in one corner. He pulled her towards himself and wrapped his arms around her.

“Why are you crying sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to go away from you Jacob; I want to be with you.” She sobbed even harder.

“Leslie I’ll always stay around I promise, please don’t cry. I won’t let anything come between us ever.”
He hugged her even tighter and she hugged him back.

“Jacob, please don’t go. Stay here with me, please.”

“We’ll always be in contact Leslie, I promise you.”

And she kept crying as he held her close to him.

After a few days, Jacob had to leave for another city to find a good job. Leslie felt miserable, but there was nothing she could do. Jacob and Leslie both got good jobs and got busy with their life, they both were in contact but communication was much decreased, but they had to manage and go along. Then one day Jacob gave Leslie a call. He sounded extremely happy.

“Leslie, you can’t believe what just happened!”

“What is it, tell me?” She was equally excited.

“Leslie, I can’t believe it finally happened. I found the girl of my dreams. I can’t tell you how happy I am.”

“Oh!” Leslie felt sick in the gut. She didn’t know what to say.

“I am in love Leslie, I can’t believe it, Stacy is the most wonderful person I’ve ever met, I am so happy. It’s such a wonderful feeling; I can’t even describe it to you.”

Leslie remained silent. She didn’t know how to respond, she felt so heartbroken, but she decided to bury all her feelings for Jacob as he seemed to be really happy.

“Leslie, are you there? Don’t you want to say anything?”

“Jacob, I am so happy for you. It’s great news. Have you told her yet?” She tried hard not to cry.

“No, I don’t know how to. I need help.”

“Oh Jacob! Just tell her how you feel. Do not delay, there’s no point of hiding your feelings when you are in love, no matter what the outcome is.” She paused for a while.

“Yes, you are right; I’ll tell her as soon as possible.”

“Good luck Jacob. I love you.”

“I love you too Leslie, thanks a lot. Take care, Miss You.” Leslie just couldn’t hold her tears any longer. She was so heartbroken but she buried it all, for Jacob’s sake.

Jacob proposed Stacy that day, and she said yes. Jacob felt as if his world is complete. The communication gap between Leslie and him grew bigger and bigger, and he didn’t even realize that, but Leslie was deeply hurt. They hardly talked once in a blue moon, and it was killing her. Few months passed, and Leslie decided to move on. She knew she could never love anyone else as much as she loved Jacob, but she gave in. She needed someone to support her. There was a guy named Drake at work, who was crazy about her. She started dating him. He used to treat her very nicely and she also grew fond of him. Then one day he proposed her, and she said yes.

She tried to contact Jacob to tell him the news, but he was never available. She called at his cell a couple of times, and finally someone picked up,

“Hey, this is Jacob’s fiancée speaking. Who’s there?”

“Jacob got engaged!” Leslie was so shocked that Jacob didn’t even tell her about his engagement.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, well, nothing. Can I speak to him? Tell him it’s me, Leslie. He must have told you about me, right?”

“He didn’t actually, and he’s kind of busy, any message?”

“Just tell him I am getting married.” She slammed the receiver down and burst out crying. How could he do this to her, she just couldn’t understand.

After a few hours Jacob called back and apologized. He seemed really happy for her. Leslie felt happy to hear his voice and guilty at the same time. She still loved him, she had loved him deeply all her life, and he didn’t even have the slightest clue. She decided to go away from his life, permanently.

And so she quit her job and got married to Drake, and compromised with her life.

“Leslie, Leslie? Are you alright?”

She was still holding Jacob’s picture in her hand and thinking about her past.

“Where were you lost? I’ve been calling your name for so long.” Drake was standing right in front of her.

“Anna had been crying for your attention, what’s wrong with you? Whose picture are you hiding there?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry Drake. I am not hiding anything; it’s just a random picture from my year book.” She said as she held Anna, her two years old daughter in her arms and kissed her.

“You framed a random picture from your year book?” Drake seemed really annoyed.

“Drake, forget it, please. Dinner is ready; let me set the table for you.” And they both didn’t talk to each other after that.

Leslie wasn’t happy with her married life. Drake was not the same person he used to be before marriage. He had grown very aggressive and fought with her a lot. The only good thing about her life was Anna. She loved her dearly, and she was the only factor that kept her bonded with Drake. He got very demanding with time. Leslie wanted to continue her career as a professional wedding planner, but he didn’t allow her. Occasionally he used to come home drunk, and he was becoming much careless towards his household duties. Leslie grew very concerned about him. She decided to sort things out by talking to him, so one day when he returned from office, she sat down beside him and held his hand,

“Honey, is everything okay at work?”

“What do you know about the complexities of business?” He was again drunk today.

“Drake, I used to be your colleague before marriage, I know how it is. Please tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Leslie, you are bothering me. Now go away.”

“I’m bothering you? But Drake, what have I done.” She got very upset.

“You don’t satisfy me Leslie, you are not good enough. You and your stupid child, I even doubt it’s my own baby.”

Leslie stood up in disbelief and shouted back at him, “What the hell do you mean Drake? She’s our child! How can you accuse me of such a thing?”

“You hide pictures in your closet, your lost in your own dreamland; you don’t even let me get close to you. There’s no other possible reason for this behavior besides your guilt of having a child with the random guy from your yearbook!”

“Enough Drake, I can’t believe it. I can’t believe you have such a filthy mind. I never thought there was so much dirt in your heart for me, and Anna? What about her? For heaven’s sake Drake you are her father!” She had tears in her eyes.

“Forget it Leslie, I don’t believe you.” Drake was adamant.

“Drake, what do you mean? What do you want me to do then? Prove the purity and sincerity I have given you for two whole years? How am I supposed to do that, why are you punishing me like this?”

“No Leslie, I am punishing myself by being with you and your child. I don’t need you in my life, I need a divorce.”

Leslie couldn’t believe her ears. She felt as if her whole world was sinking deeper and deeper right in front of her eyes and she could do nothing about it. After all these years, her dedication and sincerity could do nothing to save her marriage. She looked towards Anna, her fluffy cheeks and deep blue eyes and a tuft of blonde hair on her head. Leslie brought her hand close to her cheeks and she wrapped her tiny hand around her finger.

“I am sorry baby; I can’t even convince your dad that you are his own daughter. All I need is your happiness, and I’ll do anything for that my sweet angel. You are my reason for living.” She hugged her and cried hard. She didn’t know what to do, she tried talking to Drake about it again, but he was firm on his decision. They both got separate and Leslie became a single mother.

Life was really hard on her. She decided to continue her career as a wedding planner, as she wanted to do before. Now she had to support Anna as well, so she needed to get into business as soon as possible. She had a couple of old contacts who got her a number of contracts as a wedding planner, and so she started off with her professional life again. Then one day, she got a contract of a very high scale wedding on a very short notice of just a few weeks. She didn’t even know the name of the couple so she decided to meet them as soon as possible. The bride to be called her and invited her to a restaurant, and when she reached there and saw the couple, she went numb. Her heart stopped beating for a while and she felt the chill running down her spine. Her eyes filled with tears. It was Jacob. Jacob and Stacy, ready to get married. Jacob had a somewhat similar response when he laid eyes on her. He got up and Leslie turned her back at him and started walking towards the exit. He was gone from her life, she had buried everything, and now she couldn’t bear Jacob coming back to her life like this. He kept calling her name but she didn’t stop.

“Leslie, please stop. Please for God’s sake. I need to talk to you. Leslie please listen to me.” Jacob kept shouting. Finally he reached near the exit and blocked her way.

“Oh my God, Leslie, it’s really you. I can’t believe it.” He also had tears in his eyes. He got closer to give her a hug.

“Jacob, who the hell is she? Why are you both behaving like lunatics in front of everyone?” Stacy was really pissed.

“Stacy, honey do you remember I told you about my best friend, she’s Leslie. I can’t believe I finally came across her, I am so happy.”

Stacy stared at him angrily. He was holding Leslie by her waist, and Stacy felt like ripping it off.

Leslie felt her anger and stepped back.

“Leslie, what’s wrong with you? You didn’t even say anything. Aren’t you happy to meet me?” He got closer again and held her by her waist. She again stepped back.

“Jacob, it’s really nice to see you, but I think you should go for someone else as your planner, it’s a very high scale wedding and I am just a beginner.”

“Yeah, I think she’s right.” Stacy nodded approvingly.

“Leslie? Hell no! I am not changing my wedding planner. What’s wrong with you?”

“Jacob, I am really sorry, I have to go now. My baby is alone at home.”

“Your baby!” Jacob said surprisingly from behind as she left.

“What’s wrong with her?” Jacob stared blankly at Stacy.

“What’s wrong with You Jacob?” She said angrily and left.

“Now what’s wrong with you?” He said as he ran after her.

There was certainly something wrong with everyone after that day. Leslie went on a sick leave and didn’t show up at work for one whole week. Stacy got very insecure about Jacob, and Jacob used to visit Leslie’s office everyday in hope to meet her. Finally, he got her address from work, he was really happy. He went at her place and she opened at the 5^th knock,

“Jacob!” She couldn’t say anything else. She was holding Anna in her arms.

“Leslie, wow, is she your baby, what’s her name?”

“Anna” she said as he took her from Leslie and gave her a kiss.

“Can we come in?” He smiled at her.

“Jacob, I was a little busy. I don’t think it’s a good time.”

“I’ll help you in whatever you are busy with.” He said and came inside without asking.

“Where’s Drake? It’s Sunday; don’t tell me he’s at work?”

“No, he’s not.” She didn’t want Jacob to know about him, but she didn’t know what else to say.

“Jacob, he left me.” Leslie felt very awkward.

“Left you? What do you mean Leslie, how can he leave you? How can anyone on this earth ever think about leaving a girl like you?” Jacob was really shocked.

“Didn’t you?”

They both remained silent for a while, and then Jacob finally spoke.

“Leslie, I’ve missed you terribly all this time. You completely disappeared from my life, I tried to get in contact with you but I was helpless, I didn’t have a clue. You didn’t even let me know that you’ve gone through all this. We used to be best friends Leslie, what went wrong. I want to know.”

“Jacob I don’t want to talk about it, please.” Her voice was really shaky.

“It's okay sweetheart, come here.” He gave her a tight hug.

He stayed at her place for the rest of the day. They told each other about everything that had happened in their life, Leslie was really happy, and so was Jacob. They felt as if they are complete once again, and there’s nothing missing. He felt a strange connection with Anna; he kept hugging and kissing her.

While Jacob was leaving he told Leslie again,

“You are going to be my wedding planner. No one else can make my wedding more special for me.”

“Stacy can.” She smiled weakly.

“No, only you can Leslie.” He winked at Anna and she gave him a big grin, and Jacob left.

Leslie started working on his wedding. It bothered her a lot, but she was happy to have her friend back, and at this stage of her life, she was content just to have him around regardless of their relationship. Jacob used to spend a lot of time with her and Anna. Stacy was really jealous, she asked him a couple of times to change the wedding planner as she wasn’t happy with her. But Jacob ignored her, and this pissed her even more.

One day Leslie went out with Jacob and Stacy to finalize the flower arrangements for the wedding. Jacob ignored Stacy the whole time unintentionally. She got really furious by the time they came back home. She fought with him a lot, Jacob got really annoyed and he left to meet Leslie again. It was half passed 10. She opened the door.

“Leslie, I need to talk to you.”

“Sure Jacob, come in. Is everything alright?”

“Stacy had been acting really weird lately; she has started fighting with me a lot over really small things. I m really hurt by her behavior.”

“Jacob, it’s a part of every relation, just call her and sort out everything. Tell her you’ll do as she says. Just make her happy.”

“Do you even know what she’s asking me to do?”

“Whatever it is Jacob, just call her first.”

Jacob called her up and apologized the way Leslie told her to,

“I’ll just forgive you on one condition; you’ll have to forget Leslie. I can’t keep up with you otherwise.” Stacy said in a demanding voice.

Jacob didn’t know what to do, he stared blankly at Leslie, she whispered to him softly,

“Remember, just do as she says! Just say yes, whatever she demands for.”

Jacob’s eyes filled with tears. Leslie whispered again.

“Come on Jacob, she’s going to be your wife, say yes!”

“Yes Stacy, I’ll do as you say.”

He talked for a while and then disconnected the call.

“Everything set?” Leslie gave him a smile.

He didn’t know what to say. He fought back his tears and gave her a hug.

Finally, the wedding day arrived. Jacob wasn’t talking to Leslie. Leslie was only allowed to deal with Stacy for the wedding arrangements, and she had to be there at the wedding too for the final touches. It was really hard for her, but she wanted Jacob to be happy.

Few hours before the wedding, Stacy was getting ready in the Bridal room and Leslie was there with her. Her hair dresser wasn’t showing up, Stacy asked Leslie to call him up but her cell was in her purse and the purse was outside the room. Stacy called Jacob and asked him to bring the purse for her as it was already getting very late. Jacob got the purse and it fell down from his hand on the way, and Leslie’s diary came out. Jacob had always been curious to read her diary. He was surprised she still had it. He opened it up and started reading from the first page. He was shocked to know that everything written in her diary was referred to him,

“Jacob, I am madly in love with you. I wish I could tell you what you mean to me. You are my life.”

“Jacob when are you going to propose me, I’ve been waiting so long. Today is prom night; I hope you ask me out.”

He turned the pages and kept reading.

“I can’t believe you’re gone, what I am going to do without you. I feel so miserable, please come back Jacob, I love you so much, truly with all my heart.”

“I love you Jacob.”

“Jacob you are my life.”

He couldn’t read any further. All this time, she hid it all, just for his happiness. He couldn’t believe it, and he didn’t know what to do at this point.

The wedding ceremony began. Jacob was totally disconnected from it. All the guests had arrived, and finally Stacy entered the hall. She looked phenomenal in her wedding dress, but Jacob didn’t even look at her as she was walking towards the Alter. His eyes were laid on Leslie who was walking behind. It really pinched him at this point to look at her, but he couldn’t stop doing that. Everybody sat down and the vows began. While Jacob was about to say the vows, he couldn’t help thinking about Leslie, so he closed his eyes and spoke,

“To have and to hold, from this way forward, for better or for worse” And he remembered how Leslie has always been there at his worst.

“For richer, for poorer. In sickness or in health” He remembered how Leslie has always been concerned.

“To love and to cherish till death do us apart” He remembered promising Leslie that nothing could ever come in between them.

“And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness, with all my heart.” Leslie and Anna’s picture was continuously rolling in his mind.

“Do you take Stacy Allen as your lawfully wedded wife?”

His eyes were still closed, and he said,

“Yes I do, Leslie, with all my heart.” And he opened his eyes. The whole church went silent. Stacy was staring at him in disbelief. Jacob was unaware of what had happened. He was still thinking about Leslie, he looked around but he couldn’t see her anywhere.

“Stacy, I am sorry. May you stay happy forever.” He said and left the church.

Leslie was waiting for a cab outside; he ran towards her and pulled her from the back closer to him.

“Jacob, what are you doing here? What’s wrong, why are you crying?” She didn’t know what to expect.

“Leslie.” He came in front of her and bent down on his knees.

“I’ve been stupid Leslie; I’ve been stupid all my life, not to realize that it’s only you I want to be with. Leslie, only you and Anna can make my world sound and complete. I don’t want anyone else. Leslie, I love you, Marry me.”

“Is this for real?” she thought she was day dreaming, she just couldn’t believe her ears.

“It is the biggest reality of my life.” He stood up and took her in his arms.

Leslie was still in the state of shock, she couldn’t believe that the greatest wish of her life was fulfilled. But it was a reality. Sooner or later, he had to recognize his deep hidden love for her, and he did.

Few days later, it was the same church, the same vows, and Jacob was reciting them for the same girl, but this time when he opened his eyes, he didn’t have to run away from the reality. He leaned towards Leslie and kissed her, and they both lived happily ever after.

***Haider is a co-author!!! =)

Perishing Soul

2009-09-07T08:02:00.000-07:00

Lying in the ocean bed of blood,
Struggling to survive in the high tides of fear,
Obliged by myself to cease my glee,
And absorb the excruciating leer.

Endeavoring to hold blood in my fists,
But it’s slipping from my hands just as water,
Writing down my last piece of words,
On the paper of blood for ever after.

Trying to swim across the ocean to the shore of peace,
But it’s not letting me through this cyclonic flood,
Tears pouring from my eyes are pressurizing me,
Drowning me into the depths of doom of blood.

Shrieking, loathing, weeping through my burning throat,
Silently and slowly dying inside my heart,
Engrave my wings of freedom,
But rescue me from this demising path.

Feeling my touch for the last time,
Realizing my presence becoming numb,
Taking a deep breath, dived saying myself a goodbye worth,
Sinking, blood shedding my soul’s birth.

Alishah and Anonymous :D!

2009-09-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

STORY: ALISHAH AND ANONYMOUS

AUTHORS

Hafsah n Haider .. hehe :D

Our 3 word story game! ..

Haider in bold :P

here goesssss....

once ther was..a small boy..he used to..live near a..huge dark cave..near a waterfall ^^..he had only..one close friend..her name was..Alishah and she..love hm but..he didn't know..she used to..give him hints..but he was..unaware of them..she decided to..talk to him..but she was..shy to confess..the boy had..not thought about..love before but..now he was..thnking of sumone..close to him..and realised that..he is very..stupid not to..realise it before..but now he..decides to talk..but again the..luck doesn't work..they both were..going to marry..but a twist...

hafsahqadir: drop it .. wot a weird story =/

haider.kiani: lolz

hahahah :D :D :D

weeheeeeeeeeeeee! :P

and guess what ?? after the story was "dropped" ..haider decided the boy's name! lol *JAKE* .. 3 cheers for haider!!! :D

=]]

Tagged **

2009-09-03T05:20:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am number tagged.. and i don't even know exactly what to do =/, but no worries, it's fun.. and any1 is welcome to make fun of me .. llallalaaa** :D

1. Ummm, i just hv one bro, n he's getting married this year!!! :D with the 1st love of his life, woww..

2. I wrote my 2nd story!! and its the 2nd last post of my blog, and only 2 ppl commented :P .. !!

3. My 3 greatest ambitions of life are, being a Dentist, writer and a cryptozoologist! .. and, ermm.. i have 3 mob covers! =]

4. There are 4 people in my life who know me inside out..My dad, Bilawal ( my lovey dovey =) ) and Haider and Sidrah, my best friends.

5. I was born on May, the 5th month =/, n its really hot at that time..no wonders where i got my temper from!

6. 6 is my lucky number.. i don't know why, ummm.. and I watched 10 things i hate about you 6 times..!! (Ok that was weird)

7. Errr.. My filza dearoo's birthday!! :) 7th May, and umm.. I get up for uni at 7 *sigh*

8. *Clueless* ummmm.. 8 bad things about me! Pessimistic, short tempered, too compromising, waste time as if there's plenty in store for me, lusty (*looks v embarrassed*), never change my mind if i make a bad opinion about sum1, think way too much and very dependent on my best friends. That was easy :)

9. *Clueless* *Clueless* .. name of 9 mythical creatures :D Unicorn, mermaids, selkie, dragon, hydra, nessie, nymph, big foot, centaur. hyy.. i know more!!

10. I felt like crying 10 times (or may b over) this week, and i have completed 10 fasts.. and well.. i hv over 10 nicknames :D ..lets see! Fso, Hapcha, Hafshah, Hapchuu, Hafshu, Hafsi, Hafu, Havy, Haf and Hafpuhh :D yayy! 10 nicknames :)

tadaaa...!

I really don't wanna tag anyone .. those who'd be reading this, please do something constructive with your time.. :D .. like commenting on my story =]] =] =]

PS. I don't know why i used so boring colors for the post ..!! =D

Obsessions

2009-09-01T08:30:00.000-07:00

My 2nd story!! :)
Any1 looking for happy go lucky hanky punkies shouldn't waste their time reading this :)!
xoxo

“Love grows. Lust wastes by Enjoyment, and the Reason is, that one springs from a Union of Souls, and the other from a Union of Sense.”

Sometimes in life, we try to reach out for the things just because we want them, not need them. Lust is one of the deadliest sins, if you get under the grip of it, it won’t let loose, ever. So be careful what you wish for.

No one had ever seen a smile on Trisha Morgan’s face. They wondered what had gone wrong. She was a below average, middle-aged working woman who hated her existence so much that she had literally made herself invisible for everyone. And she hadn’t just cut off from others; she had no connection with her own heart and soul. Her heart was numb, and her soul thirsty for someone’s love. It bothered her a lot but she didn’t care. She hated the way she looked. She hated her body, she hated her face. She fancied Aidan, a guy at work, but she never tried to approach him. She thought there would be a lot prettier girls in his world and she’d just make a fool out of herself.

Trisha liked absolutely nothing about her life, except for her best friend Luke. He used to live in her neighborhood. She used to enjoy his company a lot. He was the only one who made Trisha feel better. But she wanted more, a lot more. She wanted someone to satisfy her, in every way, and she thought the only guy who can satisfy her was Aidan. She took this feeling as love. She wanted him, badly, but she was scared. She used to share all her feelings with Luke, and he knew it wasn’t love, but she was blinded by her overpowering desire. Trisha always used to find ways at work to seek Aidan’s attention, but he hardly interacted with her. He was a playboy, always surrounded by pretty girls. There was no room for Trisha, but she never gave up.

Then one evening, Trisha saw Aidan sitting alone in a restaurant. She sat on a nearby table and kept staring at him. Aidan got a glimpse of her; he went up to her table and said,

“Hey, I recognize you from work.”

She started blushing and her heart started pounding, she didn’t know how to react and kept staring. “Are you alright?” Aidan had a funny expression on his face.

“Oh yes. Sorry, yes I am fine. So, you recognize me?” Trisha was still blushing.

“Yes, you are Trisha Morgan, right?”

“Yes, would you like to join me? I am sitting alone.”

“Actually I am expecting someone, may be some other time. I am throwing a party at my place on Christmas Eve, I’d be glad to have you there.”

“Oh, sure! I’d love to be there.” Trisha felt the tickle in her tummy.

“Ok. See you then. Take care.”

Trisha was so overjoyed that she went straight to the mall to buy herself a great outfit for the party. She called up Luke at the same time and told him everything. He was happy for her but he warned her to be careful of Aidan’s intentions, as he didn’t have a very good reputation. But she ignored him; she thought he’s just jealous. Trisha bought a very sexy sleeveless red gown with a deep cut neck and tight fitting. She thought this is the time to impress Aidan, in every possible way. The party was just two days away, and she couldn’t wait.

Finally, the most awaited day of her life arrived. She was really excited. Her dress looked really sexy and she was all set to go for the party. When she arrived, Aidan welcomed her and gave her a nice compliment. Almost all her colleagues were there, including Marshall whom Aidan used to hang out with the most. Still, Trisha was happy to be there. She joined a group of friends as Aidan was welcoming other guests. Soon she noticed that Aidan has disappeared, nowhere to be found. She went upstairs to look for him. The room of his door was closed. She knocked twice but no one answered, so she decided to open the door, and was stunned at the sight of what she saw. Aidan was unzipping Marshall and kissing her passionately. Aidan saw her and she instantly left the room. She went down and sat near the pool and burst out crying, she wanted to kill Marshall. She had never been so furious before. After a while, Aidan came there too, he had no idea why Trisha was so heartbroken.

“Trisha, what’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing, just go away!” She sobbed even harder.

“But why are you crying. What’s the matter?”

“Aidan, I can’t see you with anyone else. I want you, be mine. I’m crazy about you. Please Aidan, please, be mine.”

Aidan didn’t know how to respond. He just got up and went away and left Trisha sobbing. She kept crying until the party was over. Everybody left, and Aidan noticed that she’s still sitting by the pool. He asked her to come with him inside. She refused but he insisted. So she went in with him in his room.

“Trisha, you never told me that you are attracted towards me.”

“How could I, I’m not good enough. I don’t fit in.”

“Don’t say that. You are great.”

“Really, you think so?”

“Absolutely!”

He gave her a hug and she wrapped her arms tightly around him. He started kissing all over her neck as she rubbed his back. He picked her up in his arms and took her to the bed. Then he started taking off all her clothes. Trisha got completely carried away. He rubbed her thighs gently and kept kissing her all over. He removed all his clothes and started rubbing his body against Trisha’s. She got really wild. He massaged her entire body with whipped cream and then licked all over it. She could feel the warmth of his tongue rolling all over her body, and she loved it more than anything. And finally, Trisha could feel it, she could feel Aidan, thrusting inside, deeper and deeper, and she really loved it. She didn’t want him to stop. She knew there was no love from his side, and she realized there was none from her side either, but her desire, it was being fulfilled. She wanted Aidan, and she got him.

After that night, they both used to make out a lot. At work, off times, at home, everywhere. Luke got really concerned about Trisha. He decided to have a serious talk with her. So he went at her place to meet her, but Trisha wasn’t alone. When she opened the door her dress was half unzipped and her hair was all messed up.

“Trisha I’m sorry I think I disturbed you.”

“No No, please come in, Aidan was about to leave.”

“It’s Okay, I’ll drop by sometime later.”

Trisha opened her mouth to say something but Luke left before she could say anything.

Later that day, Trisha went to see Luke. He was sitting on the couch and asked her to come in.

“Hey Luke! Sorry I’m really busy these days. Work load is too much. How have you been?”

“Trisha, is it just work load?”

“What do you mean Luke?”

“You know what I mean. Trisha, Aidan is dangerous. Don’t run after your desire, just listen to your heart once, you’ll realize that it’s not love. He’s just using you to satisfy himself.”

“Enough Luke, you are just jealous. Jealous that I am happy, and don’t need you anymore!”

“I can never be jealous of your happiness. I always want to see you happy, but not like this. Not by destroying your life by your overpowering lust.”

“I’m not destroying my life, and I know what my heart wants. Don’t interfere in my life Luke; I can take care of myself. I don’t need your advice.” And she left.

Luke felt really miserable, but there was nothing more he could do.

Days changed into weeks, and weeks changed into months, but Trisha never felt her relation with Aidan getting any stronger or meaningful. He just wanted her physically, and she could never refuse him. Trisha started sensing some changes in Aidan, he used to stay much tensed and usually he was very aggressive. She tried to ask him several times but he never responded. Trisha knew it was bad news for her. She thought Aidan was fed up of her. She tried to sort out everything, but no luck. And then one day, when she arrived for work, Aidan was nowhere to be found. She tried calling him but his cell was off. She dropped by at his home later, but he wasn’t there either. He had disappeared, gone from her life. She just couldn’t understand what went wrong.

After sometime, Trisha’s health began to decline. She often felt dizzy and nauseated. Luke was really concerned, he tried to calm her, assure her that he’s there for her always, no matter what. She felt very comfortable around him, but she couldn’t stop thinking about Aidan for a single second. Was there no love at all? She thought to herself. Did there have been no soul to soul connection between us. Did Aidan just use me to satisfy his craves and desire?

“But Trisha, you were doing just the same.”

Finally, her heart spoke to her. She could feel what it needed, how it felt. And it didn’t need Aidan, or his love, because there was no love. She started feeling very guilty. She had destroyed her life for a person she didn’t even love. And now she was suffering, suffering due to her sins.

Luke tried very hard to make her feel better. One day, he asked Trisha to go out with him for dinner. After a lot of insisting, she agreed. He also bought tickets for a horror movie, Trisha loved horror movies. They went to the cinema and then Luke took her to a fancy restaurant and they ate dinner together. Luke wanted to tell Trisha that he could keep her happy, fill in all the gaps in her life. But he didn’t want to push it. She was going through a hard time; he wanted her to recover from it first before popping out the question to her. On their way back home, Trisha again started feeling dizzy and threw up. Luke took her to the hospital. Trisha was lying on the bed while the doctor examined her. After all the usual checkups, she joined Luke outside and waited for the doctor to bring the reports. Finally, the reports arrived.

“Is anything wrong?” Trisha asked the doctor.

The doctor smiled back at her politely and said, “Trisha Morgan, congratulations. You’re pregnant.”

Luke didn’t hear a single word from Trisha after that.

“Trisha, it’s ok sweetheart. I am with you, I’ll always be. We’ll sort out everything together. You are not alone.”

She remained silent.

“Trisha come on, say something. I can’t bare your silence. Please, I am worried.”

“Why don’t you say something, anything? I swear you won’t have to go through all this all alone. I won’t leave you, ever. Trust me Trisha, please.”

“Trisha, I love you. Marry me. My love would be enough for both of us.”

Trisha didn’t know how to react. She went inside her room and looked the door. Luke waited outside the whole night, but she didn’t show up. But he didn’t give up.

Next day Trisha found a bouquet outside her door. She threw it in the bin. When she came down to grab a taxi for work, Luke was waiting for her with another bouquet in his hand.

“Good Morning sunshine, I thought I’d drop you to work. Did you like the flowers?”

“Luke, stop it. Go away.”

He held Trisha’s hand and pulled her towards him.

“Trisha, please don’t do this to me. I love you. I want to be with you, you are my princess and I assure you I’ll always treat you like one. You are my life.”

She pushed him away. But Luke decided he’ll never give up.

When Trisha came back from work, Luke was waiting for her outside.

“Here comes my princess. Now you have to listen to me very carefully, I consulted the doctor about your health and he prescribed these medicines for you. And here are some fruits and vegetables. I’ll make sure you consume all the healthy stuff. After all it’s our baby we are talking about!”

“Luke, I think you need to consult a doctor for your own self first.” She went inside her apartment and heard Luke’s voice before slamming the door at his face, “I love you darling.”

Luke used to take all her bitterness right at his face. He had faith in his love. He was always there for Trisha whether she needed him or not. And as days passed, Trisha’s pregnancy advanced and she never felt as if she’s dealing with it alone. She used to find Luke waiting for her outside every day just to wish her Good Morning. When she came back from work, she occasionally found bouquets and fruit baskets at her doorstep. He always used to drop by just to remind her that she had to visit the doctor for checkups. Trisha really did feel like a princess, and with time, all the bitterness, all the negative vibes faded away. And finally the big day arrived. Trisha was in labor, and Luke, right besides her holding her hand to ease all the pain. Trisha gave birth to a very beautiful baby girl. Luke took her in her arms, and when Trisha saw those tears in Luke’s eyes while he was holding the baby, she knew her world was complete. She held Luke’s hand and said,

“Luke, let’s get married.”

Since then, everything in Trisha’s life was perfect. Luke loved her like anything. She felt as if she’s the luckiest woman in the entire world. Everything was going smooth, until one day.

It was just an ordinary day, Trisha woke up early, she fed the baby, made Luke’s breakfast and kissed him goodbye as he left for work. After sometime, she received a call that Luke had been in an accident. It wasn’t critical but he needed blood. She went straight to the hospital and asked the doctor to take her blood. The doctor took samples of her blood, and came back with a news that made Trisha loose all her senses. She couldn’t believe this was happening to her. Trisha was HIV +. And then she realized,

“Oh Lord! Luke, and my baby.”

She didn’t know what to do. She saw all the colors fading away from her life. How could this happen to me? She just couldn’t understand how this could have happened. But she knew the answer very well, it was Aidan. She wanted to contact him, talk to him, but she didn’t know how. She searched for Marshall’s number from the records at work and called her up, and when she finally reached for her, she got the news that Aidan had died of AIDS three months ago.

Luke recovered, but she didn’t know how to face him, or her child. Their life was at risk just because of her. She didn’t know what to do, what to wait for, life or death. She didn’t know how to survive through it. She didn’t know how to save her little world. She didn’t know how to correct her mistake, a mistake of not knowing how to overcome her overpowering lust. And it was over, over for her, before being over.

Here Goes Nothing!

2009-08-29T10:41:00.000-07:00

Tarzaaaan is here come kiss me baby. Cuchi cuchii kiss me tenderly!

lol.. I've prolly gone nutsss :D! Everything going on with my life at the moment is really not worth mentioning..except for the fact that i love my best friend*** Yes m talking about you, Haider :) and guess what's his nickname ?? That's right.. Gulooooo :D lol

Hmmm, sooo!

When are my fins gonna start growing i wonder ? Errrr, if it doesn't .. I'll live in a tree house instead! .. Either way ..too deep or too high, I'll be at a distance from other humans.So that's a good thing! Human beings..with their feelings and all, too dangerous to be with! I don't really take myself as a human being :D .. Although my feelings can also reach upto a very dangerous level =p but they prove to be more dangerous for me than for any1 else *sigh*

I wish we could live without a heart, that's right..The stupid thing is again having a down time.

*happy thoughts* *happy thoughts* *happy thoughts*

Gosh I have to literally push myself to speak about something happy!
Okay..
I'd been thinking about writing another story..!! the previous one, thou i loved what i wrote, but many people thought i was too overly sensitive and depressed..Errr, no i wasn't! i am just good at being pessimistic, big deal! The other story might be even more emotional.. I don't care, that's my specialty =]] and its no cry baby stuff!

Well.. The only factor, that used to make me happy..is lacking, it went
missing.. or may be i just pushed it too far away? What m I even saying..i have no freaking idea.

Does this picture make any sense ??.. Because I'm happy the way described in this picture, kind of..
Uhh! I'm too pessimistic to be happy ain't I ?

Oh ALLAH! .. Give me fins ..! or make me like tarzan.. i wanna swing and built a tree house.. ermm, my jane would be a male :S that's weird.. Oh God :(! make me jane instead with some modifications and swinging technique? Just gimme finnnnnsssssssss....!

huh :(
the stupid thing is back from its down time and now its bothering me.. so i guess i should stop writing now!!

PS. I'm a psycho, i admit!

Singin' happiee happiieee..! :)

2009-08-22T02:16:00.000-07:00

=)

I feel loved..! really loved!! And so i decided today, to post a happier version of everything! Although i am not optimistic at all :D, but even my pessimism has something optimistic about it :P..!! so lets start off with something good, hmmmm..
Well, when i think about happiness, there's this one person who always pops up in my mind.. I call that person Gulooo (ocassionally) =p *No sidrahh its not you :D* Anyway, lets just keep it a secret :D! But me and my hearty, they remain really happy.. Yes! My heart is back :D.. it went away somewhere for a down time, and now its backkkk... :)

Its weird my heart always goes missing whenever i am upset ..!! But we are friends again now *yayy* So now that my heart is back, let me make a list of what it wants.. *Come on heartyyy..tell mee!!!*

Hearty wanna really really really wanna ziggah zig aaahhh =p lol .. Ok, serious!

1. Wants to have a down time more frequently. (Oh, well!)
2. Wants me to let others know how i feel. (Errrr what =/ they already know!)
3. Wants me to be more optimistic. (I'm trying i'm trying!!!!)
4. Wants to be loved, really really loved and adored. (Me toooooo, but hey! i know someone who does!!)
5. Wants to be heard. (Ok fine =|)
6. Peace, mental peace. (Hearty ? mental =/?)
7. Wants me to stop ignoring it.

Ok hearty!! enough.. I don't ignore you :< .. This was a flop idea! Lets make a wish of the things my heart feels happy around instead! Hmmmm.. lets see! 1. Gulooooo :D (wow! your on top)
2. Talking to my parents
3. Being out of the house
4. Falah =]
5. My friends
6. And .. ?

Hearty's missing something on purpose :) Don't worry i won't let you get hurt again...!!! Anyhow..! I can't believe i actually took part in debates, lol.. my opponent (and classmate) embarrassed the freaking hell out of me .. hahah :D! So, celebrities.. are role models ? What say? Ok Ok.. i don't want to start debating again..wese i wen't against it. And it went fineeee.. =/ I liked writing on it more rather than debating on it. I dont know but..i really love writing about every topic from my personal point of view. It satisfies me!
Wowww.. I wish i could live underwater! There's something about water..that keeps me calm..Although astrologically i have an earthy sign, but i dont believe in that. I think i'm much of a water person! Because.. its deep.. and it has alot of mysteries hidden underneath those depths.. you know what i'm talking about :P well, leave it :) .. It's just that.. I wanna grow fins!

Ok..What else ? I am sleepyyyyy..!
and. errr..
I haven't even decided the title for this post yet =/.. let me just put up something... ~:>

Ok.. i couldn't think of anything else!

Life! or something like it..

2009-08-14T01:21:00.000-07:00

I can't really call it a life right now, but i guess what i am living is something close to it..though i really don't know when will it turn into a real one.
Hmmmm.. who looks sadder ? This picture has something angelic about it, far from reality.. and, life ?

Whatever!
Sometimes i think this world is not for me..this planet, i mean. I wish I had lived on Pluto and degenerated with it. Do i sound upset ? Because i am really not, it's just a ..ermmm, random thought. Where did Charon, nix and hydra go ? =[ These are the names of pluto's moons. They've got nothing to revolve around now. How depressing!

The life i am living..it's not my thing! I wanted to be a cryptozoologist so badly! Really, SO BADLY! but nobody takes it as a real, serious field and I know none of you who'd read this would know what crytozoology is! and it really is due to this ignorance that nobody takes it seriously. Ermmm, well.. It's the study of myth. I may sound like a freak, but i have a very firm faith. I believe in almost all the mythological creatures, and no they aren't just a part of freaking fairy tales. They exist, but we have made them extinct. That's the truth about myth. I don't want to stretch it furthur, because it can just fascinate others, not make them believe.
Anyway! why so serious ?

You like it ? I found this painting of Niagara fall and it's somewhat similar to my imaginary world! Yes, have a closer look, that's where i spend most of my time. And i love it! But the sky looks sad! My world is a happier version :)

I just want to keep on writing, though there's nothing to say! Let me put up some pictures and comment on them! =D

Hmmm :P! I don't see any togetherness in this picture. There's absolutely no love in this man's eyes. It just seems that he got a random vampiric love bite, but the girl..Looks like she's suffering,eh? May be she's regretting something. May be this guy is turning into something that she doesn't want. Does that make sense? It does!

Oh! She looks so horror struck! Why so? hmmmmmm.. May be because, she's seeing all the colours fading right infront of her =/ right ? The water's making everything to fade away and she wants everything around to be colourful and lively instead of just plain blue and deep. Hmm! i like blue, i can switch places with her, all i'd need to do is grow some fins! Ok,, BAD Joke!

That's a painting =p! .. Looks like they are having a good time. hahah :D ..No comments on this one! :P

weeeheeeeeeee! That's a rusty sort of, rainbow lady ..ermm i like this picture! She looks happy although she's not smiling. If you have a closer look she's having some sort of wings. That reminds me of the film forest gump :D In that film, Jinny always prays to God to make her a bird so that she can fly far far away. Well actually, her father used to feel her up. woooooooopssssss!

Hahah! I just wanted to end it on a happy note! i LOVE bubbles! and it reminds me of someone :) close to heart! *kish kishh*

Ok so, enough of the crap now!
Oh btw, happiee 14th Aug to alllllll.... =D

Dont cry your heart out..!!

2009-08-05T12:12:00.000-07:00

Ok..This is the very 1st story i wrote, so plz pretend to like it :)

She hugged the pillow tightly as tears constantly rolled down her cheeks. She wanted to die; there was no purpose of her life. The person who taught her how to love and live her life to the fullest was no more, dead, gone forever. And she just couldn’t bear the reality. “How could this happen to me?” She thought to herself. “Why? Why me? Oh God, why did you do this to me? Why didn’t you take me along with him? I don’t need this life anymore. Take it away, let me be with my angel again.” Mia had completely lost her mind, lying there in the Rehab; she didn’t know where her life was taking her. She didn’t know why she was even living this life. She hated her existence.

It was one fine evening; Mia was out with her love, Travis. They were sitting near a silent lake, hand in hand, making plans about their upcoming wedding. Mia had never been happier, she could feel the depth of the love Travis had for her by the way he was rubbing her hand gently, affectionately. She was the most precious treasure of his life. It couldn’t be better than this, they both thought to themselves. Everything was just perfect. Mia rested her head on Travis’s shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her and held her closer. “Promise me it will always be like this.” She said to him. “I promise sweetheart, I will love you till my very last breath, and even after that.” They both hugged each other tightly. They spent some more time together and then finally decided to leave when it started getting darker. Travis drove her home, she kissed him goodbye and asked him to call her as soon as he reaches home. She entered her room feeling on top of the world. She was singing joyfully to herself. She had already started missing Travis and couldn’t wait for his call. Finally, the phone rang. “Hey, what took you so long honey, I was missing you so much!” but Travis said nothing. “Is everything okay? Say something! It has just been an hour, yet I am dying to hear your voice.” Mia kept talking but Travis didn’t say anything in return. Mia got very concerned; Travis had never behaved so awkwardly. Finally he spoke, “Mia, my angel, God knows how much I love you, but we can’t be together. The time has come for me to depart, But I’ll always be around you, be brave. I am sorry. I love you.” And the phone was disconnected. Mia just didn’t understand what had happened. She was still trying to figure out the meaning of what Travis had said in her mind, but she had gone numb. “It has got to be a joke.” She called up Travis again but he didn’t respond. She kept calling but there was no answer to her calls. She couldn’t understand what was wrong. She took out her car and went straight to Travis’s place. When she reached there she saw a large crowd at his front door. She squeezed her way into the house, and was completely taken aback at the site of Travis. He was in a deep and peaceful sleep, with a deep cut of pencil knife on his throat. He had grabbed Mia’s picture in one hand. There was a slight smile on his face. Mia had lost her senses. She felt dizzy, she couldn’t move, couldn’t cry. She wanted to scream, but she just couldn’t make a sound. She fell down on her knees, and bent down at Travis’s dead body. “Travis, sweetheart, this isn’t funny, please get up, we need to talk.” She paused for a while. “I just can not understand why you are doing this Travis, why are you bleeding so much.” She started whipping off the blood flowing from his throat. “Travis. Come on, wake up. We need to talk Travis. Wake up, what’s wrong, Travis? What’s wrong with you.” The officers came to take away Travis’s body for investigation but Mia didn’t let them. She started screaming like crazy, she lay down and covered his body so that no one can touch it. “Step back, go away. We don’t need anyone. He’s fine. He will be fine, we don’t need anyone.” She grabbed the knife lying next to Travis’s body and tried to harm herself and anyone trying to come closer. She tried to cut her wrist but felt powerless. She felt dizzier as she heard other voices around her, but they slowly started fading away. The last sound she heard before being unconscious was the one being constantly repeated in her mind “Mia I will love you till my last breath, and even after that.” “Travis. Come back Travis.” And she closed her eyes. She didn’t know what she had done, she didn’t know what had happened, but the next time she opened her eyes, she was in Rehab.

“Another unwanted day.” She said to herself as she woke up next morning. She came out of the room to take her medicine and saw a young man staring at her from a distance. She ignored him, but he didn’t stop staring. Mia got really annoyed. “What the hell is his problem?” she murmured to herself. He started walking towards her and gave her a rose. She didn’t accept it. He didn’t seem to mind Mia’s rude behavior at all. “Mia, what have you done to yourself?” he sounded concerned. She didn’t respond and went back to her room. But when she reached, the man was already waiting for her there. “How did you get here?” she was pissed. “Get out, I don’t need sympathies, leave me alone.” “Mia. No, don’t shout. I don’t want anyone to see me here. Come on, just here me out once.” “I said GO AWAY.” Mia had lost her temper completely. “Okay okay, relax Mia. But do expect me again.” And he walked out of the room. Mia had never seen this man before, but he reminded Mia of Travis in a mysterious way. The depthness of his voice, the feeling of his presence, the glow in his eyes, the slight smile on his face. “Oh God, why am I even thinking about him.” She just pushed back her thoughts to one side of her mind and wished he’d never come back again. And so she passed another painful day without Travis, crying, cursing her life, praying for her death. And finally she fell asleep.

She woke up at the middle of the night and her heart started racing at the site of the young man sitting by her bed side and staring at her with the same glow in his eyes. He had an awkward smile on his face and a soothing expression which relaxed her a bit. “What the hell? Doesn’t anyone ever see you walking through that damn door?” His smile got wider. “Mia, why so pissed off? I won’t harm you. Promise.” Mia got off her bed. She was curious. Who could it be and why is he so concerned. “Who are you? What do you want from me?” Mia asked. “Nothing, nothing at all. I just want you to share, share everything. I won’t do any harm. Try me.” But Mia had lost all her trust and faith. “If you don’t leave right now, I’ll scream and gather up everyone. This is your last chance, get lost.” He didn’t argue with her and slowly got up and walked towards the door. Before he left he said the same thing again “Mia, relax. Do expect me again. Sleep well.” And he left. But she couldn’t sleep that night.

Next morning, when she was leaving her room to take the medicine she had a weird feeling. She was really expecting the mystery man again today. She didn’t understand why but she felt safe in his presence. She came out of her room and looked around but he was nowhere to be found. She came back to her room wishing he would be waiting for her there, but he wasn’t there as well. She sighed, and sat down on her bed, sinking herself into Travis’s thought again, when she heard a voice. “Are there any chances of a peaceful conversation today?” She looked around, and there he was, with his charming smile and twinkling eyes. “Tell me what you want?” Mia demanded. “I want to know all about you, I want to know why you are so devastated. Mia, I want to know why you ended up in a rehab. Why are you so disheartened? Life’s beautiful, why are you making it seem so ugly.” Mia couldn’t control her emotions anymore. She was sick of keeping everything inside her. She wanted to let it all out. She told him all about Travis. There was no change in his expression. He listened everything silently, and then slightly moved closer to her to give her a hug. But she resisted. Mia didn’t know why she shared all this with a stranger but she felt lighter. “What’s your name?” she asked him. He smiled back at her, “Whatever you like, Mia.” She couldn’t understand. She didn’t know anything about him, and she didn’t even ask him after that day. He used to visit her every night; they used to talk a lot, mostly all about Mia. She used to be very comfortable around him. She didn’t want to know who he was, where he used to come from and why did he care so much. All she knew was that she wanted him to be around. Days passed and Mia started recovering from the painful experience of her past. Soon she was well enough to be discharged from the rehab. Travis was still a part of her living memory, but she didn’t live in the past anymore.

She decided to take that man to the same lake where she used to spend time with Travis. They both sat down together and Mia started talking and telling him all the plans she made for her wedding. He said nothing in return. She paused for a while to look in his eyes so that she might guess what’s going on his mind. Finally he said, “Mia, close your eyes.” Mia did as he said. Then he said, “Mia, I still hold on to my promise. I loved you till my last breath, and m doing it even after that.” Mia opened her eyes without wasting a second but he was gone. She didn’t know how to react. She started calling out Travis’s name aloud, but no response. She didn’t know where to find him. Her angel was gone again. She just couldn’t figure out what to do. She felt helpless.

“Mia, I love you so much honey, I don’t want you to suffer because of me.”

“Travis! Don’t leave me. Travis I feel miserable without you, please come back to me. What went wrong, why did you leave me, why did you kill yourself. I want to know.”

“Mia I was bound to do that, I loved you so much. I wanted to protect you from every harm. You were supposed to die that night from a car accident, but I bargained my life with yours. I drove you home safely, and the angel of death came to me to take away my life instead. And I surrendered happily, but look what you did to yourself in return. That’s not what I wanted. I want you to live, I had to come back to make you realize that. Love is not something that always has to be present around you in a physical form, you have to feel it Mia, you have to feel me inside you. How can I leave you alone. No Mia, never. I can never leave you. Life is not unfair, life revolves around love, and a true feeling of love can never be unjust in any form, not even when you think that it is being taken away from you, because it lives inside you Mia you have to realize that. I am not asking you to forget me, I know it’s not in your control. But you can share my part of love with someone else keeping me in your heart. I love you Mia, I’ll always do darling, please understand me.”

Mia kept sobbing without saying a single word. And she remembered the same guy she saw in rehab for the first time with a rose in his hand. That was Travis, her angel.

And Mia opened her eyes, the dream was over. But was it really a dream? She saw the same red rose lying next to her pillow. Travis really was there with her. She took the rose and pressed it against her eyes and cried. And Mia never felt the absence of love in her life again.

Lallaallaalalaaa!

2009-08-04T07:44:00.000-07:00

Whatever! i couldn't really decide the header, though my life hasn't really been a lalala lately .. now when i think about it, I realise that nothing is more precious than your own life. If things don't go the way you want them to, that doesn't mean that a person should just start starving for over 3 days, live on sleeping pills, try to smoke, cut himself intentionally and be satisfied at the site of his own blood oozing out, praying to Allah PAk to just take away his life, avoiding his parents, disturbing his friends by his acts, crying like a crazy lunatic freak.. Oh God..what was I really doing to myself. I literally did turn into a complete psycho, but guess what ? I survived through it all. And I have realised one thing, only you can decide whether you want anything in your life to be temporary or permanent. Things DO last forever, if you want them to, and if you don't..absolutely nothing can make it stay for long. I have grown out to be a much better person from the experiences of my life, i don't regret anything,,i don't want to alter anything that happened in the past, because everyone makes mistake, we are the one's who perceive them as big or small. Everything depends only on our own perception, and we sholud always try to make things simpler for ourselves. And the best way to do that is to have faith. We all believe in the same God, in a different way. But HE looks down upon all of us in the same way, and there's no way He'll be unfair to anyone. Okay i guess enough of the serious talk.. Let's make this post sound fun! :)

My little baby sister Falah dearo cushtard apple has started going to Montessori :), and my little princess looks shhooo cute in her uniform. Being a baby sure has many advantages, all you'd care about is being fed and having a clean diaper! that also you don't have to change yourself, ahhh..heaven!

Sometimes I wish we could have the ability to change ourself according to our desire.Imagine what it would be like to go under water and turn into a mer creature ? or eat spinach and turn into popeye whenever you feel like knocking someone down ? or be invisible for a change, when you need a downtime. Hmmm, most of the time..i don't sound normal. But what's the point of being normal ? We should rather be ourselves. And be satisfied. For instance, look at this hen.

Knowing that in a circle there's no beginning and no end, we still perceive things the way we want, and look how satisfied she looks. That's the way life's supposed to be, speak things in a manner that is approved by your own heart and soul, not by the logical and judgemental point of view of other freakheads.. Because it's our life and it's now or never. and we are gonna live forever :) Ok whatever, that was by Bon Jovi.

Soo, well..whatelse ? hmmm.. just that, the bottom line of the whole discussion is that..it really is our life, our true treasure, we should appreciate and respect ourself and be satisifed with the way we are leading it. We are the leaders, not followers. And that's the way it is :)..Ok..that was by Celine Dion =/ xD

Coming to life again!

2009-07-02T22:15:00.000-07:00

Ok..so i have prolly been a dead blogger for quite sometime now (not that anyone would have missed my posts). I guess it's time to be back in action, as there's been ALOT gathered up to speak about! I posted last when i was in Kuwait, and since then, loads of things have been going around (mostly bad) but lets start with the good part! .. I am back in Karachi! :). Well, not that thrilled actually, there's no excitement about leaving your mother crying at the airport and then sitting in the plane besides a complete stranger and trying to hide your tears, oh that was embarrasing! he was a middle aged guy and i was crying like a donkey it freaked him out, he changed his seat.Oh well, i didn't like him either! Anyway.. the good part, i got to talk to my bilawal dearie *yayy* :) and he was really happy, so was I. And i met my beshtoo Sheeda :D and my university friends and my two dearest cousins and my little angel falah. Wow, alot of 'ands', that's good :)! So so so, i am a loser! yayy !! what is the greatest lose in your life that you can always bare?? that's right! WEIGHT LOSE :D.. haha, and i am a loser! :P whhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheee! What am I fantasizing about alot lately ?? Getting engaged! seriously. I feel like getting engaged! Hmmm..lets see! what will i wear ? Something bright..ermmm diamond jewellery, with a diamond ring, a large stone in the centre following lots of little one's around. A big 3 storey cake with pink strawberry icing with little chuncks of strawberry within the sponge. My fiancee (ofcourse) looking like an angel (like he always does) with my engagement ring in his hand and he'd slightly leen towards me hold my hand in his andd..... Oh well *reality check* no nasty ring shining on my unpolished chubby and injured finger. Ermm, i'd prefer living in the fantasy =[. I do want to get engaged! I guess, all in good time! Heyy..! my brother is getting married.. I am soo happy for him! i'll get to eat! lol .. i'll get to eat and sing and dance and invite all my friends and enjoy like anything and hey! my parents and relatives would be around, so.. get engaged? yayyy! :D i can i can, right after my brother's wedding.What a happy ocassion. *reality check* *pinching* *pinching* *not helping much* I want to get engageddddddddddd! =( whatt..m legal :( quwan quwan.. whatever..!

Well, i am feeling good .. I'll keep posting from now on .. heck with everyone don't read it don't comment I dont even care! This is my blog and it'll be all about meee. Who knows my next post would be of my engagement pics...aaahhhh
*pinching* *pinching* *pinching* Ouch! that hurt.

The Recovery ~ =P

2009-06-09T17:21:00.000-07:00

Ok, so finally i have recovered *almost* from the trash i posted previously! though i won't mind bitch-slapping and pushing someone off a cliff :) *evil grin*. No, i dont have such intensions, only a flying ninja kick would do! .. interested any1 ?!

Anyhow!..its 3.30 am n m not sleepy at all..is it normal ? i guess it is for someone who wakes up after 2 pm everyday *looks satisfied* .. I can't believe all this luxury is going to be taken away from me in a few days! i'll have to leave my FAMILY..that's the worst part! and leave them for what?! JMDC!! .. Oh my, thats going to be hard! :(.. Though i LOVE my university and my friends there in Khi, but family is family! So i guess..i am going to be real down for a little while and everyone should be all set to cheer me up! (Sidrah this one was especially for u)

Today i am really mad at someone..!! :( No response to my miss calls and sms and email! That person is going to be in deep shit now i'll make sure to that!! =/

Heyy! i went to the cinema!!! well, actually there were no good releases but as i had to go with my friend before departing, we went for The Haunting in Connecticut! It was an Ok film.. trying to show horror stuff inspired by real life, just doesn't sell that much :), it was about a family who as almost all the other horror films shifted to a house in suburbs completely isolated in which i would have been terrified to live even if it wasn't haunted! People LOVEE to invite danger, and then they complain and yell and scream and cry and go like Ohhh there's a ghost there's a ghost we need to run we need to leave this house now..Dude! that's not cool, OK ? :S ah well, the good part ? Cinema hall was air conditioned ..! the bad part ? everything else :). But hey! i was with my sweetheart bestie friend..So i did have fun! :)

And guess what!! I watched Kuch kuch hota hai today ..lol, may be for the 100001th time! And i know all the dialogues and scenes in the correct sequence! with the actions as well *looks proud* ..Ok whatever..i am a freak i know..but everyone is! so i dont care *lalalalallaallallaalalalaa*

By the way..PEOPLE!!..Don't you like my blog ?? :( I hardly get any comments *disappointed*
hmmmm..what to do now ??
I better read Eragon..i haven't read a novel for over 6 days now! I just don't act normal anymore! :( shoo me off nowww** =)

My Life on a Plate

The Lost Smile

The Escape

A Guy Who Loves the Rain

ICC WC 2011 - Bat Ball or Gambling?

The Magic Within Me

Proud and Dorky! =D

R-a-n-d-o-m-n-e-s-s-s-S-S =D

Love is Friendship =]... *Set on fire* :P

Last Moments of Dawn

Life's a bitch, and then you become one too!

Wish Upon a Star

What is perfection???.. Just a random thought!

FunnNNnn Timeee..!! =] =]

Taggy Taggyyy =]

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue!

Sorry to my dearo bloggie =[

Rock n Roll =D

Me, Myself and Boredom..!!

My Best Friend

Perishing Soul

Alishah and Anonymous :D!

Tagged **

Obsessions

Here Goes Nothing!

Singin' happiee happiieee..! :)

Life! or something like it..

Dont cry your heart out..!!

Lallaallaalalaaa!

Coming to life again!

The Recovery ~ =P

Love is Friendship =]... Set on fire :P